Deacons to Drive Out After-Church Socializers With Whips

It’s about to get real.

ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist deacons across the denomination have been given the authority to drive out confirmed over-socializers with whips if they do not clear the sanctuary within 15 minutes of the Sabbath morning service ending. The new powers were green-lighted after decades of whining from stressed-out Adventist deacons complaining that they had not been given the correct tools to persuade chatty members to clear out. Deacons claim that traditional church emptying tactics like verbal warnings, cleaning duty threats and even the switching off of sanctuary lights have proved fruitless with Adventists determined to catch up with friends. Despite their new powers, deacons have been instructed to circle church socializers seven times before resorting to overturning pews and cracking the whip.


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  1. Ken Weslake

    I have always found it a litmus test, if you like, on the health of the church. Those that empty quickly and are gone from car parks quickly represent a sick and toxic church congregation. Those churches that have members staying back in the sanctuary and the foyer and carpark for a long time after the service is over, represent to me a healthy church. I have experienced it over and over again with both types of churches.

  2. Richard Mills

    It’s like old home week. Most SDA ‘s haven’t seen each other the past 6 days. This is the time to catch up on what’s going on. If you have a pot luck after the church, it just goes on & on & on around the tables. I ought to know! Hey, KEN-how would this process be implemented at 2020/Indy GC?

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