“Cats” So Bad GC Tried To Cancel It


SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference announced today that it did its “honest part” to keep box office bomb Cats from being shown in theaters.

A delegation from the Adventist headquarters’ Biblical Research Committee was allowed access to the film before its release date.

The group was intrigued by the film’s title and had requested the viewing to determine if Cats passed ultra-strict Adventist guidelines for Sabbath-worthy nature videos.

The group claims that it watched the movie in a non-cinematic setting featuring cafeteria lighting and hard, plastic chairs. They claimed the experience was “nothing like going to the movies.”

The representatives were appalled by the film. They said it had “zero educational content, a lousy plot and greatly disappointing use of CGI.”

The group then recommended the cancellation of the film “just like the Record Keeper.” Universal Pictures thanked the group for their input but was noncompliant with the suggestion.

After horrible reviews and terrible box office sales, Universal has now admitted that the BRI may have had a point.


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