LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In a bid to convince voters they are healthy enough to win the presidency, both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have signed up for personalized CHIP (Complete Health Improvement Program) coaching at Loma Linda University.
In a predictably competitive move, the candidates hired rival CHIP coaches on separate pilgrimmages to Loma Linda.
Clinton, battling pneumonia, hired CHIP super coach and Adventist celebrity centenarian Edith “Blue-Zone” Greenley.
Donald Trump quickly followed by snapping up Greenely’s coaching nemesis, Joe Plumber, a devout CHIP follower since shortly after the 2008 presidential election.
Analysts are divided as to whether either candidate will benefit from CHIP coaching. The program advocates largely vegetarian eating, forgiving your enemies and eliminating negativity from your life.