Batchelor v Nelson Preach-Off scheduled for Batman v Superman opening night

Epic Adventist Showdown
Epic Adventist Showdown

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — The first-ever Preach-Off between veteran Adventist evangelists, Dwight Nelson and Doug Batchelor, has been scheduled to coincide with the March 25 box office opening of Warner Brothers superhero blockbuster, Batman v Superman.

Event producers are hoping to capitalize on buzz about the Batman v Superman opening to lure Adventist viewers to the Preach-Off and keep them from going to the movies on Friday night.

The Preach-Off will be aired live on the Hope Channel and will feature all-out attempts by each pastor to best the other’s preaching style. Nelson and Batchelor will perform both rehearsed sermonettes as well as impromptu speeches on topics chosen by the audience.

Hope Channel spokesperson Michael Buffer promised viewers “edge of your seat excitement as two Adventist legends go head-to-head in the most anticipated Adventist match-up of our generation.”

So as not to favor either speaker with home court advantage, Buffer said that the Preach-Off will take place on the stage of Hollywood Seventh-day Adventist Church.

Buffer warned that clapping is absolutely forbidden during the live event. “The Preach-Off winner will be selected at the end of the night as measured by cumulative decibels produced by ‘Amens’ from the crowd.”


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  1. Donald Dump

    Donald Tramp could out-preach both of those guys combined. Donald Tramp’s next sermon: “You’re getting very,very sleepy, You’re eyelids are becoming heavier and heavier, When I snap my fingers you will fall into a deep sleep, and you will vote for me. You will walk into that voting booth and vote for me. You will vote for me. . . .”

  2. Fred Flintrock

    While watching the preachers duke it out, eat popcorn and carob. Don’t eat chocolate, because it is addictive to chocoholics. Even scientists who doubt the existence of true chocolate addiction (chocoholism) agree that chocolate craving is real. Women are especially susceptible. This is likely because chocolate contains large quantities of theobromine, which is a “chemical cousin” to caffeine, along with high levels of sugar and fat. It also has several psychoactive substances that can make it feel addictive, including tryptophan, an essential amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in regulating moods; high serotonin levels can produce feelings of elation or euphoria. Another is phenylethylamine, a neurotransmitter from which amphetamine is derived; phenylethylamine is nicknamed “chocolate amphetamine” and can cause feelings of excitement and attraction. Chocolate includes chemicals similar to THC, the primary psychoactive ingredient in pot.

  3. richard mills

    “In conclusion” it will be a draw. I will get WWE Vince McMahon to referee. Maybe my buddy, Hulk Hogan can be there to do whatever it takes to make this a hit. Woe iz me!!

  4. Amazing Fictions

    The title of this article is misleading. It would be much more appropriate to have a Bachelor vs. Nelson preach-off to coincide with Bat-Mite vs. Superman. Bachelor will never be a homiletical equivalent to Batman. He’s more like the Scrappy-Doo of the pulpit.

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