SANTA CLARA, Calif. — Adventist evangelist and Amazing Facts TV speaker Pastor Doug Batchelor is set to make history as the first Seventh-day Adventist ever to perform at a Super Bowl halftime show. Batchelor, who will be playing the guitar alongside performances by Coldplay, Beyoncé and Bruno Mars, says he has been practicing for months and is “readier than ever” to take the stage.
Although he has promised that he will not attempt “a single dance move,” he said that he had been practicing playing the guitar while “pulling off a Pathfinder fancy drill marching sequence.”
To perfect his drill sequence, Batchelor spent hours with Pathfinder drill masters around the world. “This is the one chance we have to show this big an audience that we Adventists have rhythm and moves too,” said Batchelor. “I’m hoping ‘triple-to-the-left-flank-triple-to-the-right-flank-triple-to-the-rear-with-a-left-flank-right-flank-double-to-the-rear-with-a-big-H’ goes off without a hitch.”
Batchelor admitted that he was uncomfortable with the “racy” wardrobe choices previous Super Bowl halftime performers had chosen. “I personally will be turning up in a full Pathfinder uniform,” said the evangelist. “I asked Beyoncé, Coldplay and Bruno Mars to follow suit. They haven’t gotten back to me with their final decision yet.”
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Hey,, Dougie-What about them back flips? That would be an eye catcher. How many versions of KUM BY YAH can you play? Maybe a hip hop version of your opposition to women’s ordination? I’m all out on this one. My eyes will be glued to the TV Sunday evening. I hope my mommy will let me out of my padded room for this one. “Rah Rah-Let’s Go Amazing Facts”. I’ll be singing that old time favorite gospel-“I’m feasting on the Little Debbies”. Call me in Beulah Land when its over.
Hey Richard, I don’t know if they allowed you out of your padded cell in time to catch the show, but it was awesome. Pastor Doug was fantastic! If you saw it, you know what I mean. If not, woe iz you!
Yeah the world is holding it’s breath for this guy. He gonna be bigger than Elvis and Michael Jackson and Adele.
Ray, I enjoy your good-natured sarcasm, but the show really was good. I’ve never seen a half-time performance as great as Pastor Batchelor’s. He really could be bigger than those dudes you mentioned. I mean, he has serious talent and a real showman’s personality. Don’t count your eggs before they hatch. (And don’t say Ben Carson is dropping out of the race before he actually does. . . .)
If Beyoncé actually shows up in a Pathfinder uniform, I’ll make a large donation to Pastor Doug and Amazing Facts, of at least five dollars.
If she does that, I’ll support male ordination and male abortion. I’ll even support Ben Carson.
If she does that, I’ll kiss Burny Sanders.
Me too!
Hey, where was Doug? I couldn’t wait to see him, but I missed him. I must have gone to the restroom when he was doing his show, sort of like how I missed my cue to go onto the stage for the debate on Feb. 6. If I’m such a winner, why am I such a loser?
A loser just like the Carolina Panthers. . . .
I think he is s perfect match for Lady Gaga! She could wear that dress made of bacon and he could wear his amazing Cardinal robes!
If you actually saw the performance, you know his Pathfinder uniform was much snazzier than any cardinal outfit. It will go down in history as a show to remember!
Stop all this complainin’. There were union contractual agreements to be sorted out. Who gets musical rights? Who sets up the after market products? All the endorsements. People in the background need to be vetted. Re-runs on the networks. Key grip people. Etc. Youse guys know nothing about show business. From now on, I will handle Dougie in appearances in this frenzy world of media. Contact me at Dewy, Cheetham & Howe, New York, NY 10012
Hey Richard, are you now having delusions of being a top-flight entertainment lawyer? I need to talk to your mom about removing your internet privileges in that padded cell.
Stop all this complainin’. There were union contractual agreements to be sorted out. Who gets musical rights? Who sets up the after market products? All the endorsements. People in the background need to be vetted. Re-runs on the networks. Key grip people. Etc. Youse guys know nothing about show business. From now on, I will handle Dougie in appearances in this frenzy world of media. Contact me at Dewy, Cheetham & Howe, New York, NY 10012