LINCOLN, Neb. — Unquestionably one of the fittest Seventh-day Adventist evangelists, Doug Batchelor will travel this week to Union College in Lincoln, Neb. to compete in of one the denomination’s most grueling physical showdowns, Acrofest. The event will draw over 600 participants from high schools and colleges from across the country for a multi-day gymnastics training and exhibition event.
Batchelor is taking time out of his busy speaking schedule to defend his long-held Best Adventist Back Handspring title at the event. He will perform a series of stretches, back handsprings and a short health lecture at the Acrofest grand finale on Saturday night, November 14 at Lincoln’s Lied Center.
Adventist gymnastics fans have for decades been impressed with Batchelor’s dexterity and unparalleled athletic ability. Despite aggressive challenges from Adventists celebrities ranging from Dwight Nelson, to Mark Finley to assorted members of the Kings Heralds, absolutely nobody has been able to touch his professional caliber of back handspring.
Union College Acrofest spokesperson Khorn Feeld said that the question on everyone’s minds is whether Batchelor still has what it takes to keep his title at the age of 58.
“I guess we’ll have to wait and see. He’s got some serious competition this year, especially from a few of our female gymnasts,” said Feeld.
- Where Single Adventists meet. Free 2 year membership. Divorced, widowed, and never married welcomed. We want Adventists to meet other Adventists.
…and from there he’s going straight to the filming of his new TV series “Are You More Legalistic Than Pastor Doug?” Stay tuned!
NO NEED FOR THAT SERIES. THE WINNER IS ALREADY CLEAR.
Can he also do skateboard tricks like fellow evangelist David Asscherick?
By the way, I love the Union College Acrofest spokesperson’s name, “Khorn Feeld.” You can certainly see some corn fields around Lincoln.
YOU MEAN “DAVID DONKEY-CHERICK”?
Those future EMT’s at Union need to be present to render First Aid to Batchelor, et. al.
I know an insurance carrier that may be of service to Batchelor. This should be on “America’ Funniest Video” or some such realty show. Good for ratings. Good for sponsors.Good PR for SDA church! Will it be shown on 3ABN or HOPE TV?? Can’t wait to see it!!
IT WILL BE ON “KEEPING UP WITH THE TELEVANGELISTS,” HOSTED BY CAITLYN JENNER.
Please advise for the time of the Adventist Theological Mental Gymnastics contest. The high skill level on display may show Dougy at the zenith of his career against all peers.
Sorry, Larry, the theological mental gymnastics show has been cancelled because they were all too busy debating about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.
144,000 angels can dance on the head of a pin.
No, Ray! Don’t revive the fight that has claimed so many of our best and brightest! Besides, we all know the question is irrelevant: none of God’s angels would dance! The real question is, how many could march on the head of a pin?
You mean “how many angels could ‘mime’ on the head of a pin.”
Bernie I am shocked. You of all people should know that angels dance, its just that boy angels dance with boy angels, and girl angels with … you know… girl angels. Its in the torah. somewhere.
NO MENTAL BACK HANDSPRINGS WILL BE ALLOWED.
Once he wins the Back Handspring Challenge, we need to see him perform in the Theological Mental Gymnastics Show, get it rescheduled. See what kind of back theology handsprings he can do there.
The subject for this year will be “Did Jesus teach a Social Gospel, also known, among some, as Socialism?”
As we all know, in Luke 18 Jesus told the Rich Young Ruler to “sell what you have and giver to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” And when the Rich Young Ruler went away sorrowing, for he was very in love with his money, Jesus said to his disciples, “He has his reward already.”
Then in Matthew 25 Jesus said to his disciples, “The King will say, Feed the hungry. Care for the sick. Comfort the prisoners. Shelter the homeless. Whatever you do for them, you do for me.”
The next question will be, does Dr. Ben Carson, or Bernie Ward, better represent the Social Gospel of Jesus?
JESUS BETTER REPRESENTS THE GOSPEL OF JESUS.
How dare you!? Please desist from your unsavory attempt to scuttle the Mental Gymnastic Show!
That’s why I write in “Jesus” on all my ballots. It’s the only Christian way to vote.
Perhaps Batchelor can join the 4 Horsemen of Revelation and be # 5. Guess what animal he could ride upon? Can we revive the Benny Hinn or is it Benny Hill Show. I need a good laugh right now. Woe is me!!
HE COULD RIDE THE 7-HEADED DRAGON.
THE 7 HEADED DRAGON IS ASLEEP, HE WILL WAKE ON YEAR 2019 FOR THE FESTIVAL OF DRAGONS. YOU MAY RIDE IF YOU WISH. HOWEVER YOU MUST NOT TAKE PHOTOS.
Never tell your wife that she looks fat in the new dress. Just say, “The dress is the wrong size.”
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: “HONEY, YOU LOOK FAT IN THAT DRESS.”
Ben Carson should be one of the judges at the competition. Buzzfeed was easily able to debunk the Wall Street Journal’s flawed, deficient reporting about Ben Carson. The liberal media is a vast left-wing conspiracy. http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/ben-carsons-yale-classmate-we-did-the-prank-test-that-carson The liberal left-wing conspiracy owes an apology to Dr. Carson.
Preach, Ben! You go, guy!
Someone’s finally catching on to my dirty tactics, but blaming it on the liberal media. LOL! Wait till Ben finds out it was me who paid them to say that stuff.
I wish the liberal left-wing conspiracy would write something about me. It’s great free publicity. Ben Carcinogen hardly has to pay for advertising anymore; the liberal media is getting his name out there for free!
Just wait till the debate tonight. He may defy the “low energy” label by Donald Dump. http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/11/10/after-scrappy-week-carson-in-debate/
Now Gentle Ben is getting a taste of what I’ve faced from the vast right-wing conspiracy accusing me of indiscretions with e-mail and Benghazi; and what Bill faced from the vast right-wing conspiracy when he said “I did not have relations with that woman!”
TIME FOR YOUR MEDS HILARIOUS.
Just eat some finger-lickin’ good Fri-Chik and get on with the election.
I LET MY SERVANTS LICK MY FINGERS AFTER I HAVE FRI CHIK. THEY LOVE IT.
I don’t have much sympathy for Ben when I’m facing the same kind of unfair scrutiny over my credit card bills. Don’t the liberal media have anything better to do, such as twiddling their thumbs?
I’m the only candidate that hasn’t been unfairly scrutinized, because I deserve everything they’ve said about me!
Wait, you stole my line. I’m the one who said that, about the unfair attacks over the lane-blocking scandal on the bridge. The liberal media needs to stop vilifying conservative politicians for the bad things they do.
I don’t know, Mark. They’re pretty busy ignoring my whole campaign.
Try saying something really controversial, naive, or off-the-wall, and you’ll get a bunch of free publicity! Write a book with a few questionable or fuzzy details, and your campaign will get tons of attention!
Also try some rambling, non-sequitur “answers” to debate questions. The more you veer off from the question, and the more your “answer” resembles a confused bunch of garbledy-gook, the more free publicity you will get on Twitter that night, and the more free (but not flattering) attention you will get from news outlets the next day. . . .