SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an absolute first for the Adventist Church, world leaders have come to a majority decision to allow a caffeine ban exemption for the denomination’s most fatigued member: retired pediatric neurosurgeon and front runner Republican candidate for president, Dr. Ben Carson.
“We would never do this under normal circumstances,” said GC Temperance Department spokesperson, Koff Seerep, “but we have decided that as leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, we are at times called to a life of compassion. Dr. Carson has almost fallen asleep in interviews, debates and even speeches during this election season. We are giving him a pass on the whole coffee ban thing.”
Adventist leaders have been careful to stress that their exemption is not to be abused by the candidate. “This is not free license for Dr. Carson to start chugging Red Bulls or become the new face of 5-hour ENERGY commercials. His ties to Mannatech have been damaging enough,” said Seerep.
- Where Single Adventists meet. Free 2 year membership. Divorced, widowed, and never married welcomed. We want Adventists to meet other Adventists.
Hahahaha! Careful now, Politico may try to make something of this.
The Detroit Free Press has found proof that Carson’s stories are true. And he was a truly great surgeon. http://www.freep.com/story/news/politics/2015/11/11/88-free-press-article-helps-clarify-ben-carson-claims/75584922/
CNN has already made something of the fact that Dr. Carson would not be in favor of aborting the prenatal infant Adolph Hitler. http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/11/politics/ben-carson-would-not-abort-baby-hitler/index.html
That’s because he thought CNN was talking about Obama. You can’t abort, as they say in Detroit, a “brotha.”
The LA Times explains that he is a great doctor, but would not be a great president. http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-1111-mcmanus-carson-biography-20151111-column.html
If you want to know what Gentle Ben said in the debate, it’s all here word for word: https://www.WashingtonPost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/11/10/well-be-annotating-the-gop-debate-here/ Some of his answers are rambling. Click on my name to see why: Ben Carson’s unawareness keeps catching up with him.
Give me a break!
A break, Ben? Didn’t you read the article. ONLY Dr. Carson gets a coffee break. No exceptions. Quit your whining.
He must avoid Starbucks, you know they are anti-Christmas…But of coarse, the red and green cups they serve their coffee in are “Winter Solstice” cups.
I’m sure O’Reilly’s next book will be about who killed Christmas. Because, you know how badly he needs the money.
THE ONLY SIN IN GOING TO STARBUCKS IS THE COST YOU PAY FOR A CUP OF JAVA, THEN YOU WAIT FOR A WHILE TO GET ITL
I NEED COFFEE BEFORE GOING TO STARBUCKS. THE LINES ARE TOO LONG.
Slippery slope, for sure. This is why Mrs. White advised against members getting involved in politics. First caffeine, then maybe meat. Who knows what would be next? Perhaps the occasional glass of wine served at formal dinners, or even, , campaigning on …the Sabbath?
Resist Ben. Quit while you are ahead. No one will fault you for not wanting to join ranks with people who have values that are completely opposite of yours.
Red Bull isn’t real meat
HERE ARE SOME OF THOSE IN THE RANKS:
JOSEPH SON OF JACOB.
BUT IF YOU SDA FEAR THE EXPOSURE OF SAID DENOMINATION, THEN BY ALL MEANS TRY TO GET HIM OF THE STAGE AND EVERYONE CAN CONTINUE FLYING UNDER THE RADAR.
Who will pony up for his coffee addiction rehab after this is over? May require 11 percent6 tithe levy on Nad for a few years.
Make that a 15% flat tax on the NAD.
“Joseph, son of Jacob.” That’s the same one who built the pyramids to store grain, right?
Wow, Ben with a buzz!
Never tell your wife that she looks fat in the new dress. Simply say, “I prefer a different color.” If she says, “But that’s the exact same color as the other dress that you like,” then you should say: “Well, the difference in the shade is very subtle.”
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: “HONEY, YOU LOOK FAT IN THAT DRESS.”
What an awesome name for the GC Temperance Department spokesperson, “Koff Seerep,” They probably could use some “cough syrup” by now. Will they also give Carson’s wife a pass to wear a little tasteful jewelry on the campaign trail?
Here is the weirdest story yet: Ben Carson refused to take a DNA test to settle a “blackmail” paternity suit: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/11/10/another-odd-ben-carson-story-how-he-refused-a-dna-test-to-settle-paternity-suit/
Way to go, Ben!
“I did NOT have relations with that woman!”
Let’s just eat some finger-lickin’ Fri-Chik and Special-K Loaf!
That Ben Carson, I don’t know about. I just don’t know about him. But one thing I do know: he’s too “super low energy” to be guilty of the accusations. Please give him some caffeine!
Ben is definitely not guilty; he’s even more “low energy” than me!
Let’s focus on the issues, like how to prevent big banks from getting too big, without breaking up the banks that are already too big.
Forget Ben. Vote for me. I don’t know why you should, but do it anyway!
This is nothing. You should see what they accused me of!
Can’t we just get along? Let’s all rest in peace. I will be the last one to let you down! “Death is usually fatal.”
Anyone accused of something should be presumed guilty until proven innocent.
I refuse to waste any more time addressing accusations. I will not let people drive my candidacy. “Many voters are stupid,” anyway. Let’s get on with the big issues, such as who built the pyramids.
HEY MAN, I NEED A DRIVER. YOU CLEAN?
Try saying something really controversial, naive, or off-the-wall, and you’ll get a bunch of free publicity! Write a book with a few questionable or fuzzy details, and your campaign will get tons of attention! Also try some rambling, non-sequitur “answers” to debate questions. The more you veer off from the question, and the more your “answer” resembles a confused bunch of garbledy-gook, the more free publicity you will get on Twitter that night, and the more free (but not flattering) attention you will get from news outlets the next day. . . .
I was born and raised in the SDA Church and attended its schools through college. In the past couple of years, I have to come to understand that there is no “one true church.” Any church claiming to be the “one true church,” and focusing on a list of doctrines (more than a love relationship with Christ) and seeking to micromanage its members’ lives, is a cult.
Now I understand that the SDA church, and others like it, are business enterprises similar to multi-level marketing companies, where the real goal is to increase membership in order to bring in more tithe money. In order to inspire other Christians to join this tithe-generating system, the SDA church tries to convince them that they will be lost if they don’t join this “one true church.” Then it tries to scare them from leaving, by fostering an “us vs. them” attitude where the world is divided into SDA and “non-SDA”–and everything “non-SDA” is bad. This is a cultic strategy.
I am glad to be in a non-denominational fellowship now, where the focus is on falling in love with Jesus, loving God with all my heart, and loving my neighbor as myself. I have found the freedom of grace and Christ’s promise: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
I WAS TOO LOFTY TO DO THE ACTUAL BUILDING, BUT MAN COULD I GIVE ORDERS!
I respectfully request that I be given a caffeine dispensation similar to Carson because I fell asleep reading all these blogs about Carson. I need to be alert to all the issues. Please, Please release me from the wicked sin of nodding off. I need the fix RIGHT NOW!! Roma will not do. Postum will not do. Starbucks is a NO-NO. Maybe DD is OK!. Send me the release forms ASAP. Woe is me!!
IF YOU’RE THAT BAD OFF, YOU MAY NEED SOMETHING STRONGER LIKE COCAINE (THE PRESCRIPTION VARIETY, OF COURSE).
NOTHING WRONG WITH COFFEE. ITS “BAD” BECAUSE ELLEN SAID IT WAS AND ALL THE SHEEP SAID “OK, YES MASTER”. THERE IS A CHURCH GROUP IN CHATTANOOGA THOUGH, WHICH WILL OFFER YOU A HOOD CUP OF JAVA PRIOR TO SERVICE, NICE.
That is so the parishioners won’t fall asleep in the sermon. Pastors hate to preach to snoozing congregations.
Are those two pictures of Ben before and after caffeine?
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