THE WOODS — Since the latest North Korean nuclear test, Adventist wilderness bunkers have turned into the hottest properties on the real estate market.
Previously the exclusive obsession of conspiracy theorists and especially paranoid Adventists, off-grid wilderness bunkers are now selling like hot cakes.
“Every time North Korea fires a missile or tests something, the prices of these hideouts soar,” said Adventist real estate expert Timo Trobles. “Even the simplest of backwoods shelters without standard amenities like Little Debbie’s boxes and the SDA Bible Commentary are costing more than five years at the priciest of Adventist colleges.”
Trobles added that financing was not available for the bunkers. “Banks won’t touch these properties and nobody that makes these things believes they’re going to be around to collect on a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage.”