Adventist diagnosed with arrogant remnant complex


WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Fifth-generation Adventist Seiflee Abborhd was rushed to the emergency room of Providence St. Mary Medical Center this morning, suffering from a potentially life threatening swelling of his head.

Abborhd who had severely alarmed friends, neighbors and perfect strangers with his big head, was brought in on a stretcher, his cranium barely squeezing through the extra-wide ER automatic doors.

As medical personnel scurried around trying to treat him, Abborhd was asked some questions by an ER physician. Abborhd ignored the doctor’s questions and immediately launched into a fiery lecture about the joys of being “glory bound” as part of the “Remnant within the Remnant.”

Abborhd offered his Catholic physician a tract chronicling the failures of Rome while simultaneously checking the doctor’s wrist and forehead for any obvious “666” markings.

Quickly diagnosing his patient with arrogant remnant syndrome, the ER doc prescribed an extra strong dose of self-awareness as well as humility steroids. He warned Abborhd not to do any talking for the duration of his recovery.

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  1. Harv Winestein

    Arrogant? Maybe. SDA guys can’t win for losing! Harassment is simply attention from a guy that the girl does not happen to be attracted to. If she IS attracted to him, the same actions are called “romantic.”

  2. One True Church

    This is not satire, it is reality. SDAs are way to snobbish about having “The Truth.” It’s as if they have their own SDA Papacy, and the GC President (and EGW) defines what is truth. I know an SDA member who refuses to step his foot into a church building of another denomination for a Christian music concert, or even for a special Christmas program. He seems deathly afraid that he’ll get the mark of the beast just by visiting another denomination’s church building on a Sabbath evening. Sorry, folks, but this is fanaticism and cult-like thinking.

    1. Confused in Iowa

      What I wanna know is, if there were only 27 fundamental beliefs in the Bible before 2005, how come there are 28 fundamental beliefs in the Bible now? Did the Bible change? And we thought we had “The [whole] Truth” before! Little did we know, we didn’t really have the whole truth until 2005! So why should we believe we have the whole truth now? Is it possible the G.C. could discover another “fundamental” truth in the future? Or could it possibly even discover that one of the current 28 beliefs is not really “fundamental” or is inaccurate? And didn’t the early pioneers warn against having such creeds in the first place? Haven’t we always criticized the medieval Catholic Church for insisting that the Church had to prescribe what to believe instead of letting individual members read the Bible for themselves? Are we like the pot calling the kettle black?

      1. Marcy

        Is one of the fundamental truths:
        “We are the only organization allowed to call ourselves Seventh-day Adventists, so we had to trade-mark the name and we will prosecute any other organization who uses that name. But we should not call ourselves by that name either, instead we call ourselves Adventists, as Seventh-day causes too much prejudice. Besides, we are getting away from the strict use of the seventh-day in preparation for the Sunday law, so we can still buy and sell.” ?

  3. Jasmin Arroz

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Unfortunately, people often don’t recognize they’re dealing with a cult until it’s too late.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍When people first consider joining a cult, they are treated positively, showered with attention, and are invited to take part in social activities with the group and its leader. Compliance at this stage can be a result of social pressure, but may also come as a result of politeness, or out of curiosity.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Once these positive experiences entice new recruits to stay, older members begin to treat them critically, isolating them and forcing them to take part in lectures about the fundamental beliefs of the group. The cult diminishes the recruit’s sense of self and her ability to make good decisions, so compliance results from an effort to reduce these negative aspects of group membership.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Eventually, the recruits will experience “identification,” where they will comply with the group and its leader because they want to please them, and often because they would like to imitate them. The level of compliance is gradually increased, until the recruits are made to comply with extreme demands.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Cult members eventually begin to adopt the beliefs and values of the group as their own, and will openly make sacrifices for the group. At this point, recruits have become devoted members at the “internalization” stage, which goes together with “consolidation” where allegiance to the group is solidified with total acceptance of all aspects of the cult–and they see their group as being the only true religion.

  4. Julie Smednik

    I don’t agree with everything published by critics like Life Assurance Ministries, but they serve an important function of reminding us not to be closed-minded, and not to be too smug in “our beliefs”. We need to focus on Jesus rather than a specific denomination. Adventists will not be the only Christians in heaven. We are not saved by membership in a denomination. We are saved as individuals — by grace through faith. That is a personal thing.

  5. Les Holt

    The worst nightmare for Adventist parents is that their children might “leave the church.” They think leaving the Adventist church equals rejecting Christ, being lost, and going to hell. But several authors have written about how they “left the church” and found Jesus. Also check out “Leaving the Church to Find God” by John Fenn on Amazon. Parents, don’t worry. It’s not the end of the world. It might be the beginning of a bright new future with God.

  6. Merry Mary

    My religion is the only right one, so yours must be wrong. That’s how everybody thinks. But everybody is wrong. There’s no such thing as the one and only right church. That’s what Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses need to understand. Yeah, and SDA’s too.

    1. Rex Tilstra

      It isn’t just a matter of thinking we’re right. It’s the whole us-against-them attitude, where our religion begins to focus on calling everybody else wrong, and thanking God that we are not like them. A religion based on calling all other churches “wrong,” is a cultish religion of works and negativity. How about having a religion that simply focuses on Jesus and following Him?

    2. Moses

      Actually there is one religion — and only one — that can rightfully claim to be the one true religion. That is, the primitive Judaism established by God Himself, personally, in the wilderness in the Old Testament. Jesus did not come to establish a new religion, but to fulfill (explain and restore) the original pure religion that God Himself had established in the Old Testament (Matt. 5:17). His Sermon on the Mount explained what God had originally intended.

    3. Marcy

      The faith of Jesus is the only right religion and Jesus told His people in the last days Seventh-day Adventists. That said, He never said any earthly organization has an exclusive right to salvation. He can only use organizations that follow Him wherever He goes. If the organization that you are a part of looses its way, you will be lost too, if you stay with it.

  7. Danny Shelter

    Sevvy, you hit the nail on the head. And 3ABN perpetuates this kind of misguided arrogance every day. Meanwhile, the founder and president is in his fourth marriage (and the jury is still out on whether there were biblical grounds). This time the lucky wife is Yvonne Lewis, director of the 3ABN Dare to Dream network. Let’s hope number 4 is the charm.

  8. Millie Richards

    Where is Richard Mills (aka RicheeeRich, the Little Debbies man)? We have reason to believe that RicheeeRich is actually sevvy in disguise, and sevvy is the Breaking Bad alter-ego of Ted Wilson. That’s why you’ve never seen Richard in the same room with Sevvy or Teddy.

  9. Morris Freeman

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍My father was a pastor and I was raised in the SDA Church. I attended SDA schools through university. My name is still “on the books,” but in the past couple of years, I have come to see that there is no “one true church.” Any church claiming to be the “one true church,” and focusing on a list of doctrines more than a love relationship with God, is a like a cult.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍It seems that most denominations are basically similar to business enterprises or multi-level marketing companies, where the real goal is to multiply membership to expand their market share and financial reach. In order to persuade other Christians to leave their current fellowships and join the SDA tithe-generating system, the SDA church tries to convince them that they will be lost if they don’t join this “one true church.” Then it tries to scare them from leaving it by fostering an “us vs. them” viewpoint, where the whole world is divided into SDA and “non-SDA” – and everything “non-SDA” is bad. Will they declare the Bible to be bad because it was written by non-SDAs?
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Now I am glad to attend a local non-denominational fellowship, where the focus is on falling in love with Jesus, loving God with all my heart, and loving my neighbor as myself, because God loved the world so much that He gave His only-begotten Son.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍I have found the freedom of grace and Christ’s promise: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

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