SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church has announced plans to fill a full-scale Noah’s Ark replica with “every living beast” for a floating zoo theme park.
The already-built ark replica will be transported from its current location in Kentucky to a pier in Miami where visitors will be allowed to tour the vessel for a “real-life experience of the Noah story.”
Science faculty from an array of Adventist universities have been commissioned to select the animals that were the likely original parents of the thousands of modern day species. GC leaders have been careful to vet each Adventist academic to weed out closet anti-Creationists.
“To make this work we are going to pick two chihuahua puppies to represent dogkind,” said GC Unclean Animal Procurement Director Wai Mieh. “Plus, if we pick the least menacing representatives of each animal family, we will have a safer environment for tours.”
Adventist college students have been dispatched around the globe to collect animals during their summer break, and Adventist congregations worldwide have been requested to donate their pets. The Adventist Development and Relief Agency also has offered to contribute some goats from its gift catalog.
Project directors say the floating ark zoo will be open for visitors in approximately 120 days, “give or take.” Admission will be free, but group size will be limited to eight people per tour to match the number of people who boarded the original ark. Church officials insist that taking on more weight is not supported by historical precedent.