Boughdon, Ga. — Seven members of an Adventist congregation in Boughdon, Georgia have been awarded free knee replacements from their church after an extremely long prayer led to irreversible knee damage.
The Sabbath morning congregational prayer for which everyone was invited to kneel reportedly lasted as long as the day’s sermon.
Most members quietly rose from their knees and settled back in their pews as a verbose elder plodded through the marathon prayer, meandering through an endless list of requests and concerns.
A small group of the faithful continued kneeling as the prayer passed the 20-minute mark.
“I remember wondering what would come first: the end of the prayer or the Second Coming,” said Mee Dolor, one of the members awaiting knee surgery.
Dolor said that it didn’t help that Boughdon SDA had never bothered to buy prayer cushions.
“It was pure agony,” she said, adding that she and several other members had attempted to chime in with extra-loud “amens” to give the elder a hint that he needed to wrap things up.
The “amens” apparently had the opposite effect, inspiring the elder to incorporate a laundry list of other concerns into his prayer.
“I literally heard a crunch in my knees before he was done,” said Dolor who joined six others in requesting stretchers to exit the church after the benediction.
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THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR TORTURING EVERYONE WITH LONG PRAYERS. JESUS KEEP THEM SHORT AND PRIVATE.
Reminds me of a long-winded elder in my church, which has a hardwood floor with no carpet under the pews. The elder seemed to love to hear himself speak. I was the pianist in church that day. After five minutes (and no sign that he was about to end the prayer), I started playing soft background music to make it more bearable. This had the unintended effect of inspiring the long-winded elder to pray even more fervently. The cadence of his speech even began to match the rhythm of the music, and he continued on and on, through six more songs. He did not stop until his voice got too hoarse to continue.
I got nasty looks from many of the congregants — some of whom had furtively slipped up into their pews when their knees could not take it anymore. Afterwards, the pastor warned me, “Do NOT ever play background music again when that elder prays!”
Reminds me of a member of Parliament who waxed eloquent and spoke endlessly about a certain point. When he finally stopped and realized he gone on far too long, he offered the excuse that his pocket watch was broken. Another politician piped up, “You don’t need a watch. There’s a calendar on the wall right behind you!”
Those guys were quite a contrast to another elder, who used to pray the most sincere and meaningful prayers in 1 minute or less. I think that is more like how it should be.
Silly SDA members!!-all you gotta do is go to Home Depot and buy a set of cushioned knee pads. They work for me. You can kneel all day with no discomfort at all!!
Right — just ask Monica Lewinsky. She had no problem “taking a knee” in front of the President.
Be sure the replacements are made of that new space age material, TITANIUM/ That’s what I did. No more kneeling problems. TSA stuff-that’s another day.