Wisconsin Conference employees busted for using Dorcas donations for Christmas ugly sweater party

Thanks to an anonymous tipster for the pic:)
Thanks to an anonymous tipster for the pic:)

FALL RIVER, Wis. — Details are emerging this morning of a late-night security intervention at the Wisconsin Conference offices. ADT Security personnel arrived at the office building shortly after 10 PM last night after an anonymous tipster claimed that 17 Conference employees had raided the Dorcas Community Services Center back room and run off with “over a dozen of its very ugliest sweaters.”

In a detailed report from the event, security officers say they walked through the open front door to the Conference building and followed the sounds of “wild hooting and hollering” up some stairs and down a hall to a large office where a swarm of conference employees were jumping around in what ADT personnel described as “the worst sweaters we’ve seen since the early 90s.”

The security officers were reportedly shocked when the rowdy crowd broke out in applause as they entered the room. “Nobody actually believed we worked for ADT, they just thought they were being pranked,” said Chuck Crowley who had led the charge on the Conference building. “They kept giving us the Christmas antlers with their hands like this was a big joke.”

The confusion lasted for several minutes until paperwork was produced by the officers and inspected by the crowd which sobered up quickly when the sweater complaint call was relayed. “Several senior conference officials apologized for the incident and we accepted their explanation that they had simply borrowed the clothing for their Ugly Sweater Party,” said Crowley who added that he “gave the crowd a stern talking to.”

The ADT crew oversaw the return of every sweater to the Dorcas supply and also checked the premises for alcohol. All they found was a crate of empty Martinelli’s bottles.

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  1. Patricia D. Deel

    The saddest part of this situation is how non-Adventists will view the SDA church. I know of several individuals personally who sadly remark about negative actions done by individuals or groups in the SDA church. They are once again “reminded” why they do not want to become a part of that church. I hope that all of the individuals involved in the Ugly Sweater situation,are planning to reimburse DORCAS, financially.

    1. I hope Patricia Deel and others have figured out by now that this is what is referred to as “satire”. It’s actually one of the highest forms of flattery and endearment. I felt it necessary to allow you to be “reminded” that this is the case.
      SPOILER ALERT (don’t read if you want to live in a world where you don’t understand satire and want to believe this report is serious): My dad is in the back row 3rd from the left. He’s a pastor for Seventh Day Adventist church (James Fox) and has never taken anything from the DORCAS (this part of the SPOILER ALERT was serious)…
      (now back to satire)… except all the Christmas sweaters our entire family has ever worn! Hopefully, a better understanding of satire has been gained here.
      P.S.>>> Quoting Patricia “The saddest part of this situation is how non-Adventists will view the SDA church”. Hopefully Patricia, non-Adventists can appreciate the ability Adventists have to take a joke and “appear human” (it’s good that some of us are human). Honestly, the saddest part of this situation is that some people don’t get it and need to have this explained (P.S.S. explaining it kind of ruins the point of satire… UGH!).

  2. Richard Mills

    If this event is carried out next year, perhaps they can consider another piece of clothing to be “ugly”. Better yet, put up a booth at the 2015 GC and have an “ugly” clothing contest. All proceeds will go to the Dorcas Society of San Antonio. A win-win. Woe is me!!

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