WARNING: Brexit Could Have “Terrible Consequences” For Newbold Cafeteria Menu

There’s always Crema.

BERKSHIRE, England — In a last-ditch effort to stop Brexit proceedings, Newbold College had warned that the UK’s departure from the European Union could have “terrible consequences” on the menu offerings at the Newbold cafeteria.

Administration said that Brexit could mean that innocent Newbold students, faculty, staff and visitors would have to eat the same vegetarian Shepherd’s Pie for weeks on end and that a steady stream of Brussels Sprouts would “terrorize the campus palate mercilessly.”

Newbold said that the severed connection to Europe would mean that the culinary breakthroughs of recent decades would be completely lost and that eating at the Newbold cafeteria would become as “dreary as freezing rain in the bleak midwinter.”

The only culinary silver lining to Brexit, according to the institution, was that the chip shop down the road would likely remain.


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