Vin Diesel caught speeding next to La Sierra University


RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Actor Vin Diesel of the Fast and the Furious franchise was caught speeding near the campus of La Sierra University today.

The star who was gunning it along Raley Drive on the way to Campus Drive was pulled over by a lone campus security officer who had been praying all year for “Jabez-style expanded patrolling territory.”

Within minutes of the extremely excited campus security officer stopping Vin Diesel, the actor’s car was surrounded by what an eye witness called “an Adventist SWAT Team of campus security personnel armed with a ridiculous amount of pepper spray.”

Diesel was reportedly on his way to present at La Sierra’s Film and TV colloquium when he hit the speed bumps near the school going at furious speeds.

The actor was released by the university’s security personnel with no ticket after he agreed to autographs and selfies with each member of the team.

He also threw in free tickets to “The Fate of the Furious.”

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  1. My friend, Georgie Gasolina also got caught driving thru LaSierra. He saw the sign, “SLOW SCHOOL AHEAD”. Somebody get a life. Somebody shout AMEN. If you go down to I-10 there is no speed limit. Just don’t pass a police car.

  2. Sevvy Loses Wisdom Tooth

    Silver Spring, MD– The GC Spring Counsel convened an emergency meeting this morning to address the threat of BarelyAdventist to the church as we know it. Hauled in in shackles, the editor Sevvy (who insists on writing his name with an ungrammatical lowercase “s”), was asked what he has to say for himself. He was looking quite pale and weak after a diet of worms.

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    “Guilty!” admitted Sevvy.

    “Why did you do it?” asked the council.

    “Because I lost a wisdom tooth,” painfully explained poor Sevvy.

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