COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Mere weeks after the 2015 graduation exercises, Southern Adventist University administration has announced that 100 percent of the school’s graduating seniors have found employment. Adventist-owned snack cake favorite Little Debbie (owned by McKee Foods) has hired every single graduating senior, even managing to poach Loma Linda-bound pre-med students to work in the company’s Research and Development Division.
Although many have expressed surprise that students representing such a broad range of academic disciplines have managed to find work with the snack cake giant, it appears that students representing all majors were heavily recruited by the firm which is headquartered close to the university’s campus in Collegedale, Tenn.
“We are determined to nurture strong ties with Adventist church leadership and this means hiring and training a team of theologically-savvy lobbyists that speak the language of church leaders,” said Little Debbie spokesperson Geert Wricher, emphasizing the special importance of graduates from Southern’s School of Religion.
“We need brand ambassadors that are positioned to persuade church leaders to shape appropriate church policy on everything from interpretation of the health message to the acceptance of large donations,” said Wricher. “Our church has an impact to make on society. Adventists should be the head and not the tail of America’s budget dessert industry.”