COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Seventh-day Adventist churches within a 10-mile radius of Southern Adventist University have reported having to air out their sanctuaries after visits from Southern’s students this Sabbath. Due to new regulations established by the university, all campus-based showering has been banned from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown.
SAU administrators have literally shut off water supply to residence hall showers during Sabbath hours leaving students with little choice but to embrace what many have come to refer to as “Sabbath funk.”
“These kids reek,” said Collegdale Church regular, Debbie Petite as she strode off purposefully in search of air fresheners in the church’s cleaning closets.
Petite said that as much as she was delighted to have Southern kids in church she would be recommending separate seating zones for the students who smelled so horribly Petite was unable to adequately perform this Sabbath’s responsive reading.
- Where Single Adventists meet. Free 2 year membership. Divorced, widowed, and never married welcomed. We want Adventists to meet other Adventists.
When I saw the headline, I was thinking showers…as in Baby showers, Bridal showers! and wondering if there had been an unusual number of those in the Southern community to merit such a write-up. Then, when I opened the link and saw the picture, I realized. Oh. SHOWERS showers. THAT kind. Now I get it.
Yes, well, showering is so much like work, and so often it’s just “doing our own pleasure” on the Sabbath, so, I get it. Maybe the church should ban all Adventists from bathing or showering from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday, as an article of faith.
What puzzles me, though, is that if the Southern students shower on Friday, sometime before sundown, what are they doing to work up such a stink by Saturday morning?
Yes, Ray Kraft, I wondered about that, too.
You’re assuming they shower on Fridays. If they all just moved their showers earlier, that ordinance would have no effect!
SO THEN YOU CANT PULL THE STARTING PITCHER ON SABBATH
YOU CAN SHOWER ON SABBATH AS LONG AS THE WATER WAS TURNED ON BEFORE SUNDOWN ON FRIDAY.
After I was married I discovered that there was no way in Investigative Judgement that I could bring myself to go to Sabbath School after doing the Friday night ‘wild-thang’, without bathing, so I developed a secret compromise with Ellen: I would stand under dripping cold water for only a few minutes. It could hardly be argued as bathing or pleasureable
No sex on Sabbath can’t be far behind. Or did I miss something already? Aw, maybe no shower has that effect! Conniving b——ds (bums).
Pray tell, why does everyone laugh so hard at these stories when they ain’t funny? This site publishes comical lies in the name of “satire.” Satire is one thing; lies are another; this story is neither one! You can stop hiding behind that silly screen name (“sevvy”). We know who you are; our private eye has identified you as Jared Wrong of Chattahoochee, north Florida. You are a great writer. Why not use your time and talent to write something true and worthwhile, like The Adventures of Captain Underpants or Harlequin Romance? Nobody (not even me) even reads this site anymore; and all the readers who write comments are a bunch of losers (including me). What is the world coming to? A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore!
Come now, Milly, we now know who you really are! Supergirl, (the female version and spouse of Superguy, the human created, Adventist conception of humorless, Grumpy Grandpa God!) Now Grumpy Grandma God! Your cover is blown! Why are you taking time out from your Second Advent preparations (do you and Superguy work together?) to read Internet stuff? Give us a break! Hurry back, if you can. After 140 years of depressing prophecy failure, we finally found something funny about Adventism. Since you and your husband Superguy are a figment of our minds, we may have to rethink you and infuse a sense of joy! What do you think of that, huh?
Hey Larry, I appreciate your comment, and I find it amusing, but I refuse to read it. In fact, I agree with some of it, but I will not dignify it by reading it. Nor will I bother to write any replies to it, such as this one. I have more urgent things to do, such as twiddling my thumbs. 🙂
P.S. I know who you are, too. I always enjoy your comments on this site and on AToday (where you are affectionately known as “Bugs”)–although I still insist that nobody even goes to these sites anymore because they’re too crowded.
IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DECIDE, YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE
I too agree with part of Larry’s comment, but I can’t say which part. Moreover, I would never admit that I agree with any of it.
I too agree with Larry’s comment, but I will not announce my agreement with it, until after I build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico to block undocumented taco salads from crossing the border and masquerading as haystacks.
I, too, agree with Larry’s comment, because my dad and brother agreed with it (even before Larry wrote it); and what’s good enough for my dad and brother is good enough for me.
Psh. Do you think these writers are capable of reaching the heights of literature that Harlequin romance novels exemplify? All they can come up with is subtle, thought-provoking, and hilarious social commentary. They could never hope to pen something so glorious as the famous Galloping Abs.
I am confident that Sevvy could eventually ascend to the heights of true Harlequin literary greatness, given enough practice and determination.
Maybe they can’t reach the exalted levels of Harlequin, but at least they could shoot for the level of “Gone with the Wind.”
If I were a student at SAU, I would at least do a sponge bath Sabbath morning. Or at least get some of that funky “waterless shampoo” that they use to bathe bed-bound patients in hospitals. I mean seriously, there’s nothing worshipful about B.O. I should know — my fellow church members keep giving me unexpected gifts of perfumed soap, deodorant, mouthwash, and cologne, all nicely wrapped in gift paper. The little notes all say, “I thought you could really use this early Christmas present. Get the hint?”
I can remember when they actually did this at the Wisconsin Camp Meeting.
Did they also distribute deodorant and gas masks?
THEY STILL DO. FOLLOW YOUR NOSE.
There is no biblical evidence that the students would stink after just half a day. The Bible says: “The body stinketh after four days.” John 11:39.
the modern day interpretation is accurately the word ‘reek’; stinketh actually is a few days before reeketh
I like to know, “when did taking a shower became a pleasure and sin on a Sabbath?!! Cleaning yourself is a must. Seven Day Adventists taking rules like this one like in the time of Moses, a law. We are under Grace. The things that the disciples of Jesus did when Jesus was with them were not allowed in Moses time or under Moses law. Read your bibles. If by stinking your selfs you offend other people, then where is your love?
This report is a hoax. Check it out on snopes. com. I am a student at Southern, and I can assure you the water was not turned off in the showers. Come to think of it, though, I wish it was. IMHO, bathing is a waste of time. My mom always hounded me to bathe daily, and lack of water would be a great excuse to forego a shower!
All SAU students should transfer to La Sierra, where the drought has resulted in lack of water to flush toilets or run showers. The problem has been solved by piping in waste water from PUC. After showering in the piped-in waste water at La Sierra, these students will suffer even worse b.o., which will make their unshowered b.o. at SAU smell like a dozen roses, by comparison.
That’s why Kylie Jenner is lucky she’s not a dorm student. Commuting from (and showering at) home has its advantages–especially when your home is a mansion and your car is a Ferrari.
How can the students sing “showers of blessings”? How about “singing in the rain”!
Woe is me!
Why does it matter which day you bathe on, as long as you bathe at least one day a week?
Haven’t you read the commandment? “Six days shalt thou bathe.”
NO, I’M NOT JEWISH
It’s not the outside, but the inside the matters to God. However, both matter to mankind.
It’s elementary, Marilyn.
Even kindergarten teachers should bathe and carry guns.
The more profound question is: where to take the bath? On which side of the Great Wall of Mexico?
It doesn’t matter which day you bathe, as long as you don’t get caught red-handed and red-faced running an unauthorized private e-mail server for classified government business on that day.
First thing I’ll do in office is tear up the SAU executive order to shreds, and send the whole stinkin’ student body for a well-needed shower. (The second thing I’ll do is to try to figure out the third thing I’ll do.)
As I said, even kindergarten teachers should bathe and carry guns.
Let me try to clarify: every kindergarten teacher should be armed. And most of them are already armed. Indeed, most of them have two arms: the left arm and the right arm.
Some of them have two left arms.
Is “Debbie Petite” any relation to “Little Debbie”? If so, how has she managed to maintain her petite figure while chowing down on those mega-calorie snack cakes? Reportedly Little Debbie is not so little anymore.
I also DID NOT read Larry Boshell’s comment, but I somehow totally know what it says!!!
I just want to point out that here in Left-Coast California, Gov. Brown has outlawed ALL showers on ALL weekdays and weekends. Forever. He muttered something like, “Get used to it.” Gawd I hope it rains and snows here in NorCal – and soon!!
Get your facts straight, PlanMeister. Gov. Brown’s actual words were: “Deal with it.”
TRUE SABBATARIANS LIKE ME, SLEEP IN ON SABBATH. GET UP AND EAT A KELLOGG’S BREAKFAST, READ THE BIBLE THEN GO BACK TO NAP.
BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU HAVE NEVER TAKEN THE SABBATH LITERALLY AND TRULY RESTED, YOU HAVE MISSED OUT.
Why does it matter which day you bathe on, as long as you bathe at least one day a week?
Or at least once a year?
I LIKE BATHING WITH YOU MARYLAND.