Report: Adventists feel guiltiest after Sabbath potluck

Ever felt like this?
Ever felt like this?

SILVER SPRING, Md. — New data compiled by the General Conference Office of Archives, Statistics and Research shows that Seventh-day Adventists feel guiltiest after overeating at Sabbath potlucks.

GC spokesperson Hara Hachibu said that although Adventists as a whole reported going into church fellowship halls with the best of intentions, “their resolve typically crumbled as soon as they got to the front of the potluck line.”

Hachibu said that there were many reasons for potluck overconsumption, not the least of which is much-touted Adventist lore about Sabbath calories not counting. He added that this particular falsehood is disseminated most fervently right after the call for seconds and/or dessert goes out to the potluck crowd.

Adventist also seem to overeat because they think it’s OK to over-indulge on vegetarian food, said Hachibu. “This is a one-way ticket to feeling super guilty when you are hit by the realization that half a tray of vegetarian lasagna is not exactly slimming.”

Hachibu said Adventist potluck overconsumption is often made worse by potluck politics driven by guilt: the need to eat a little of each dish so as not to offend whoever made them.

Given the huge variety of dishes at most Adventist potluck, Hachibu said the “just a little of everything approach” ensures that the average potluck-goer’s plate sags under the burden of food after just the preliminary round. “It’s practically impossible to escape from potluck without your Sabbath outfit feeling significantly snugger than it did mere hours before,” he said.


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  1. Lil' Deb

    When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in SDA potlucks, do as the SDAs do (stuff yourself with Little Debbies and carob). Don’t worry if the Little Debbies snack cakes are full of sugar, packed with calories, and brimming with fat and sodium – they’re vegetarian so they gotta be good fer ya. (Just ask my 400-pound sister, who was a 90-pound weakling before getting baptized and going on the Little Debbies health diet.)

  2. Ben Carsinogin

    I did not want to endorse Donald Duck, but he offered me a position in his administration, so I had to endorse him, even though I wanted to endorse Ted Cruise-control. Even if The Donald makes a terrible President, we can put up with him for 4 years–especially if “yours truly” is the Vice President! I’m not saying there was a quid pro quo — Mr. Tramp only offered me an “advisory” position: National Advisor on Potluck Affairs. But he needs me more than I need him–and I’ll just threaten to endorse Ted if The Donald doesn’t offer me the VP slot. You see, as a brain surgeon I know how to get into his head.

  3. richard mills

    You all need to come to the pot lucks at my local church. I guarantee you will look like that guy in the photo. You always have to ask, “What is that stuff?”. Usually it is rice & beans, beans & rice, baked beans over rice, rice & beans fried, fried rice & beans. You get the picture? The only food I eat is what my wife cooks. Mac & Cheese!-Lotsa vegan cheese. Special K-Loaf with marinara sauce. Meatless meatballs soaked in marinara sauce. Hawaiian punch to rinse down. Somebody always brings an Entemman baked delicacy. Warning-don’t eat anybody else’s food. You’ll be sorry. When you are done, there is no room for Little Debbies. That’s for supper!! After sundown of course. Woe iz all of you po’ folks!!

  4. richard mills

    Just returned home today (3/26/16) from the potluck at my church. My tummy is moaning. My kidneys are hurting. My brain is numb. Other parts of my body are unexplainable all because of this pot luck phenomena sweeping the SDA church in recent years. Is there no end in sight? I long for the leeks & onions and other delectables of Egypt, I mean Golden Corral or Ryans or Sweet Tomato restaurant. I’m taking my medicine now before I take a nap. Woe iz me!!

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