LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University’s School of Public Health have detected a genetic weakness in multigenerational Adventists that renders them “defenseless against the urge to go crazy on haystacks.”
Lead researcher, Frida Lei said that the genetic aberration usually manifests in third generation Adventists and gets progressively more severe as Adventist families continue into fourth and fifth generations.
“Loma Linda is a great place to study this genetic weakness,” said Lei, “We have a town stuffed to the brim with Adventists who have married each other for over a century and are literally addicted to haystacks.”
Although Lei acknowledged that evangelistic efforts could recruit new blood and help fortify the Adventist gene pool, she doubted help would come in time.
“Adventist dynasties have a way of vetting who joins the family so our inbreeding problem is here to stay,” said Lei.
She added that haystack addiction is just the tip of a very problematic iceberg.
“We have also weeded out any sense of rhythm,” said Lei. “Adventists can’t dance to save their lives.”
Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.
I don’t know about haystack resistance… but clearly Loma Linda researchers should be studying for the links between multi-generational SDAs and their spelling / grammar abilities …. perhaps you should try “defenseless” instead of “defensiveness” within your contrived quote ? ? ? 😉
Hay stacks and other mexican are wonderful aren’t they-along with other dishes.
I think there is a link between the consumption of haystacks and our inability to dance lol.
The inbreeding, (biblical) explains some of the SDA flaws and most of all the Great Blunder aka the Great disappointment.
You mean that a very large group of SDA’s are GMO? What a bummer!! Woe iz me!!