MTV relaunches ‘Cribs’ with tour of Southern Asia-Pacific Division of Seventh-day Adventists

fit for a rockstar...
Fit for a rockstar…

NEW YORK, N.Y. — MTV has announced plans to relaunch “Cribs,” the much-loved show which flaunted the incredible residences of rich celebrities. The first new episode will feature a building and grounds that MTV promises will “show off rockstar luxury” and the ultimate in decadent excess: the headquarters of the Southern Asia Pacific Division of Seventh-day Adventists.

Easily the most mansion-like of Adventist administrative centers, the extravagant Cavite, Philippines-based buildings and campus show the “gorgeous working and lifestyle conditions of the Seventh-day Adventist elite,” said Cribs producer, Boy Blingbling.

5-star hotel or Adventist center?
5-star hotel or Adventist center?

“It takes a while for a nonprofit to raise the money for these kinds of office digs,” said Blingbling, “but a culture of giving is encouraged from when Adventists are tiny and sing the song Hear the Pennies Dropping in Cradle Roll Sabbath School.”

Blingbling said that from his research, most Adventists expect their church’s resources to be spent on less flashy causes like exposed brick churches or development and relief efforts.

“MTV is grateful that once in a while, a few Adventist administrators decide that saving the world can happen from the comfort of a sick crib,” he said.


Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.


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  1. Ray Kraft

    Maybe the Church can buy Donald Trump’s Florida home, the 126-room Mar-A-Lago, when DT has to sell something fast to pay the judgments against him in the Trump University cases, he’ll be under a lotta pressure so the Church can do the Art of the Deal thing and get it cheap, it’ll be a fitting new home for the General Conference, or at least the North American Division.

    1. Donald Tramp

      There will be no judgment in the Tramp University case. I’m gonna win YUGE, in spite of the judge hating me! As a gesture to my SDA friend Ben Car-sin, I will build a Great Wall of the Philippines (and make Mexico pay for it) and the SEA-P Division can have its headquarters inside The Wall.

  2. The new president of the Southern Asia-Pacific Division, Dr. Saw Samuel, says he will “seek wisdom from God to value each day as a precious gift to be used wisely” to evangelize the unreached. OK, here’s an idea: sell the palace, use the profits for evangelism and discipleship, and move the headquarters to a modest office building. After all, we don’t believe in “bling-bling” in any way, shape, or form . . . do we?

  3. Mary Contrary

    First we heard of fake degrees and plagiarized dissertations. Now we hear of missionaries posing as kings. Too much scandal in the church. Let’s get back to the good ol’ days when “foxes had holes, and birds had nests, but I had nowhere to lay my head.” Matt. 8:20.

  4. Theo Cruise

    Why search so far and wide for opulence…. Check out the NP Union offices with grand Mahogany staircases, and corner offices with golf course views! Even visit your local conference offices…. Generally empty as the “workers” are “out in the field” according to the line human in sight at the front desk!

    We must have a great crop of ??? Coming on – so many field hands!

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