Local Adventist So Bored He’s Reading Church Manual

It’s come to this…

PORTLAND, Ore. — Cabin fever reached a new high today for local Adventist, Booker Powell, who took to social media to complain.

Powell told worn-out friends he felt more cooped up at home than he did as a teen, in his academy dorm room, after curfew, on a Saturday night.

Exasperated at the lack of originality in his friends’ indoor activity suggestions and wholly incapable of generating any better ones himself, Powell dusted off a copy of the SDA church manual.

As he began reading page after page of instruction about the governance, operations and functions of local churches, Powell’s struggle quickly shifted from a feeling of imprisonment to an overpowering urge to take a lavish, sermon-style nap.

Much to the relief of his Facebook friends, he gave in.


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  1. Richard Mills

    Hey, you want to some VERY interesting reading? Try volume 1&2 of the Testimonies to the Church. You gonna read stuff you never see printed in SDA literature!! MAGA-Make Adventism Great Again

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