Hot new church visitors are answers to everyone’s prayers

It is ON
It is ON

ORLANDO, Fla. — Countless prayers were answered this Sabbath morning as a group of hot strangers walked into Lonely Souls church just in time for the meet n’ greet.

Thanking God for ending the terrible romantic drought that had devastated their congregation lately, local singles jumped to their feet and headed over to say hi to the new arrivals.

In the two minutes of meet n’ greet chitchat that ensued, Lonely Souls members set a record for the number of creative ways to mix greetings of “Happy Sabbath” with innovative protocols aimed at discovering whether or not the visitors were single.

Instead of returning to their seats for the rest of the service, single church members sat in a cluster surrounding the newbies, dying for the chance to share a hymn book with them.

By the end of the sermon each of the visitors had been invited to potluck, AY, a hike and ping pong night.

As the congregation filed out of the sanctuary after the benediction, the newcomers were offered expidited membership transfers.

Advertise on BarelyAdventist


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Check out the Sonscreen Film Festival!

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts |


(Visited 540 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Shepard

    The sight of beautiful energetic young adults engaging each other is truly inspiring. What is missed are the quiet elderly that none thinks has any personal interest in such goings-on. When younger generations look at an obviously aged member, they can’t imagine that anything like what is happening with the young adults would be a desire of theirs.

    Not so fast. When those old eyes peer outwardly there are secrets hidden behind them. They may well contain thoughts, those thoughts, they had as much younger days. Not necessarily lusty thoughts, though there’s nothing wrong with that, but a desire for closeness and emotional intimacy, friendship, companionship, steadfastness, affection, and to fulfill the biological need for touch, “Skin hunger”, if you will.

    So make no mistaken assumptions that the elderly are past the time of intense desire for human contact as you may see in the young adults. Sit down, look them in the eye, take their hand, put your hand on their shoulder, tell them you are glad to see them that they are an important part of your community, because they are whether you realize it or not.

    It is not a 75 year-old you are seeing. It is a 20, or 30, or 40 year-old thought pattern that is taking you in. It is a human being in need of love, still.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *