GLENDALE, Ariz.. — Foot traffic outside Glendale City Church was disrupted this morning as passersby were accosted with angry barks of “Happy Sabbath” coming from a church greeter. Eyewitnesses say Sven Surgubbe aggressively dished out his greeting to anyone within earshot while menacingly waiving this week’s church bulletin.
Glendale police officers were summoned after several complaints about Surgubbe were filed by parents of scared children. Surgubbe denied any wrongdoing but did take the opportunity to complain to Glendale PD that he was upset at being scheduled for greeting “on a straight-up inhumane three out of four Sabbaths this month.”
Unimpressed officers stayed the length of the church service to discuss Surgubbe’s conduct with the pastoral staff. They only left after repeated assurances that Surgubbe would be alleviated of his greeting duties and instead be placed on a back-kitchen potluck prep rotation where he could be a little less of a public witness.
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