ADVENTIST WORLD — Effective this Sabbath, Adventist church bulletins will contain a gossip section.
The new section will not be called “gossip” but will be incorporated into the church family announcements section.
Congregations will be required to list “announcements” in order of juiciness.
Although no solid evidence will be required to back up any of the gossip, church office staff have been instructed to “maximize the whisperability of each claim using as many exclamation marks as space will allow.”
On gossip-heavy Sabbaths when the announcement section is full, gossip can also be framed as prayer requests.
Church administrators advised to skip the gossip section on Sabbaths that feature an Ephesians 4:29 scripture reading.