General Conference clarifies: It’s “AD-ven-tist” not “Ad-VEN-tist”


SILVER SPRING, Md. — Earlier today, General Conference linguists brought clarity to a matter that has plagued Adventism for decades: the correct way to pronounce the word “Adventist.”

“The right way to say it has always been and will always be “AD-ventist” not “Ad-VEN-tist,” said GC spokesperson Hauju Seyit.

“For years, our church has suffered unjustly from the linguistically-misguided both inside and outside the faith that incorrectly place the stress on the second syllable,” he said.

“That’s just painful.”

Seyit said that nobody calls the Advent the “Ad-VENT.” The stress is clearly on the first syllable.

He announced that the world membership of the church would be trained in the correct pronunciation of the church’s name.

“Nobody is going to know what to call us if Seventh-day Adventists themselves can’t get their name right.”

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  1. Hauju Seyit


    Silver Spring, MD.– GC President Wilson issue a flurry of tweets today, including a mysterious threat: “Dan Jackson better hope that there are no ‘tapes’ of our conversations before he starts leaking women’s ordination info to the press.”

    After ADventist lawyers debated whether it was legal for Wilson to record Jackson, the GC Attorney General’s office issued a tweet verifying that it was lawful, while also refusing to say whether there really are any “tapes” on the subject of women’s ordination.

    It is well-known that Jackson supports women’s ordination, while Wilson and the Pope detest it. ADventists, stay tuned for further updates!

  2. G.C. News-Times


    Silver Spring, MD.– In a powerful rebuttal to critics among the church press and progressive Adventists, GC President Ted Wilson unleashed a flurry of tweets today. He asserted an “absolute right” to share women’s ordination “facts” and intelligence on the Moonies with the Jesuits. Further, church adviser H.M.S. McRichards went on TV to declare that the info-sharing was “wholly appropriate.” Meanwhile, the Jesuits issued a scathing rebuttal calling the reports “fake hoopla.”

  3. Around these parts we call ourselves-AHVENTUSTS. It’s a regional thing. We serve Little Debbies at all our pot lucks. No hidden agenda here. No fake news, either. You is all welcome. Hey, Kim Jong/Dong-go lift some air. It ain’t heavy.

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