GC mandates pre-Sabbath baths for all Adventists

Friday afternoon soak.
Friday afternoon soak.

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Effective immediately, all baptized members of the Adventist Church will be required to take pre-Sabbath baths.

The new policy was announced this morning by the General Conference as part of a new push towards “unity in Sabbath etiquette.”

Adventists around the world have been told to draw their baths at least an hour before sunset.

To encourage the habit, ABC stores will be carrying a line of pre-Sabbath bath ducks sold at cost.

The bath toys have been trained to squawk out reminders about how much time is left before Friday sunset.

If an Adventist is still in the bath five minutes before sunset, the bath duck will emit a mild electric shock to speed up the process.

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  1. I am so thankful for this new edict from the GC. I have a problem. I work all day, 5 days a week from 8am to 5pm. I get dirty on my job. Some weeks, the sun goes down earlier while I am on my way home. Perhaps I should stop at a gas station, go inside the men’s room and try to shower or clean myself thoroughly. Or, I can plan ahead and shower at a local truck stop on my lunch hour. I will make sure I will not do any work that will contaminate my body. What if my church could provide a shower facility to help me out!
    Just shower me with blessings. Happy Sabbath!!

  2. Larry

    Another proof that SDAism is a Cult. It’s good that social distancing will still be required when we can finally meet again. The smell will be unbearable. The good thing is most members don’t really care or believe the new rules church leadership keeps making up.

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