GC Keeps Nukes, Vows Not To Push Button

SILVER SPRING, Md. — After generating worldwide Adventist concern with a heavy-handed Annual Council decision to manufacture nuclear weapons, GC officials have recently let it slip that the nukes won’t be used.

Although horrified members have implored the GC to get rid of the massively destructive bombs, leadership refused, saying that the nukes would remain in the GC basement behind glass “for display purposes.”

GC leaders have refused to admit that the original idea to create the weapons was less than inspired, saying only that the detonation button on the third floor would remain untouched as long as rebels behaved.


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One comment

  1. Richard Mills

    Is this red button gonna replace the compliance committee going after the non compliance brethren? This red button should also be used to annihilate some of these awful potluck dinners every Sabbath. I’m on my way for an Impossible Burger & all the fixings’.

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