GC: “I will survive” disco anthem contradicts state of the dead


SILVER SPRING, Md. — Seventh-day Adventists around the world have been advised by General Conference leaders that the popular disco anthem “I Will Survive” contradicts church teachings regarding the state of the dead.

“Not to be a party pooper but we do not survive; we decompose,” said GC Director of Doomsday Scenarios, Joe Longface. “This heretical song should not be played at Adventist social functions or appear on the playlists of individual Adventists.”

Longface said that Adventists should not succumb to the temptation to just play songs that they like based on their melody or popularity in society. He added that no matter how tough a breakup may have been, there were better ways to move on from crushed romance: “Try a box of carob.”


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  1. John Miller

    Yeah, that’s right! “There are better ways to move on from a crushed romance: ‘Try a box of carob.’” Carob is the cure for all the world’s ills. And remember: Donald Trump is a YUGE success!

    1. Intéressant, mais attention: ne fonctionne que si on est en mode de connexion non sécurisée. Sinon, on a le message suivant au seanE:&ltquo;&ubsp;prreur pendant le chargement de Events CalendarAucune réponse reçue. »Juste dommage que le calendrier soit en anglais… et non configurableMerci pour cette appli!

  2. Merry Mary

    I used to listen to her disco music while “miming” on Saturday nights at Andrews. This article sobered me up. Now I’ll mime only to old Heritage Singer’s albums. Come to think of it, “I’m never gonna mime again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm. . . .”

  3. Ray Kraft

    The Bible is conflicted about the state of the dead. “The living know that they shall die, but the dead know not anything,” says Solomon, and from that we have concluded that the dead are just dead dead.

    But then in Samuel 29 the Witch of Endor, at the request of King Saul, calls up the spirit of the prophet Samuel, who complains about being disturbed, chastises Saul for disobeying God, and predicts that he will be killed in battle. If the Bible is all true, then this really happened, and this is empirical proof, experiential proof that the spirits of the dead survive and are conscious, intelligent, and able to communicate with us under the right circumstances.

    The standard issue SDA explanation is that this was not really the spirit of Samuel, but Satan, or a Satanic demon, impersonating the spirit of Samuel,
    but the Bible does not say this.

    The Bible does not say this.

    So we have Solomon’s opinion, “The dead know not anything,” and then we have an account of a real event in which the spirit of Samuel returns to talk to Saul and he does know things.

    They cannot both be true. It seems to me that the event, the return of Samuel, would falsify the opinion, that the dead are just dead.

  4. Ray Kraft

    Adventists might also consider the experiences that many thousands of people have had in past life regressions and life-between-lives regressions under deep hypnosis.

    Dr. Brian Weiss (MD, psychiatry) writes in “Many Lives, Many Masters,” and his other books, of his experiences with thousands of patients whom he has taken back into past life memories, which often help explain and resolve problems they’re having in their present life.

    Dr. Michael Newton (PhD, psychology) writes in “Journey of Souls” and his other books of his experiences regressing more than 8,000 patients to memories of not just past lives, but of “lives between (physical) lives) in a “Spirit World” in which they meet and talk with their Spirit Guides, and the spirits of friends and relatives with whom they have lived while incarnated in the flesh on earth.

    Both of the docs started out thinking the idea of past lives and reincarnation was nonsense, and write that they were “dragged kicking and screaming” to the conviction that it was real, by their patients.

    These are the experiences of thousands of people who are living here, now, not just the opinion of an Israelite king who lived and died 2,500 years ago.

    1. Trois Têtes

      The reason I visited that shrink is because I honestly believed I was a three-headed monster. He didn’t help matters much when he greeted me, “Now, now, now, what can I do for you all?”

  5. Ray Kraft

    My father was a life-long 3rd generation Adventist, LLU doc, all that, and he always believed that the state of the dead was just dead, until the Resurrection. And then, the last thing he said to me, the day before he died, was, “I’ll see you, next time around.”

    And then, four months later, I was driving, alone, beautiful spring day, when I suddenly got the sense that he was in the passenger seat. I looked over. Couldn’t see him, but the sense of his presence was compellling. Then he said, “It isn’t at all like I thought it would be.”

    He sounded a bit surprised, confused, bewildered, and then again he spoke, “It isn’t at all like I thought it would be.” And then the sense of his presence faded away.

    1. Hilarious Hellary Clinton

      One day I was driving, and Donald Tramp said, “Politics is not at all like I thought it would be. How would you like to be VP?” Then he faded away before I could say yes.

    2. Jack Frost

      One day I was sitting in the Social Security office waiting room. The prettiest, sexiest girl I’ve ever seen walked into the room. She was a “10” and a knockout. My eyes almost popped out of my head. Then my mouth dropped open as I saw her coming right over to my row, and she sat down right beside me. There were dozens of other other seats available, but it seemed like she chose me. She sat down, looked straight into my eyes, smiled the most enticing smile, and said “How’s it going, handsome?” My heart began to race. Then she continued, “Would you have time to take me out to a movie tonight?” Just as I started to shout “Yes, of course,” she vanished. Everybody in the room looked surprised, confused, bewildered. As for me, I was dismayed. Devastated. Then I woke up.

  6. Papa John

    The Fifth Amendment covers this situation.

    “You have the right to remain hungry. Anything you eat can and will be used against your waistline. You have the right to consult a pizza chef. If you cannot afford toppings, pepperoni will be provided to you by the court at no charge.”

    If I’m not mistaken the Constitution also guarantees you the right to a speedy delivery.

    1. Mary Bakers Eddie

      When I was a kid, I always enjoyed hearing evangelists preach about the State of the Dead. I looked it up on MapQuest and it said it’s near the ghost towns in Nevada.

  7. richard mills

    Youse guys got it all wrong again. Ms. Gaynor needs to survive each & every day in this dog eat dog world of entertainment and all of her family issues. Please have mercy on this struggling performer. Practice the Golden Rule. Ms. Gaynor told me to say this. Woe iz me.

    1. millie richards

      So . . . you actually believe that you spoke with Ms. Gaynor? Okay, we will let you believe that. . . . We have also allowed some of our other patients to believe that they are God, or they they spoke with George Washington. Hey Tim, hand me that straight jacket. Time for Poor Richard to get back in his padded cell.

    2. Richard Pills

      Rich’ man, wassup bro? You be right der, brutha. Dat be a dog-eat-dog world and she be survivin’ it. But serously, dude, she told ya dat? You be trippin, man.

    1. Martin Lamont

      In England, the appearance of wedding rings for men is a relatively recent phenomenon. In his 1996 book, “Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette & Modern Manners,” the etiquette expert John Morgan wrote that in Britain “it is customary for the bride alone to sport a wedding ring, and although some brides have adopted the Continental habit of presenting the groom with his own band during the vows, this remains not quite comme il faut.’” But the question is not what the fashion world says; it the question is what does the Bible say: http://www.GodLikesJewelry.com

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