ENGLAND — Adventists across England have donned sackcloth and ashes after a devastating World Cup defeat by Croatia. Church members that had secretly been praying that England would feature in the final against France wearily acknowledged the error of their ways as a country of a mere four million denied the English team the opportunity. “I knew better than to pray for World Cup results,” said depressed Newbold Church deacon, Gavin Gutted, as he adjusted his sackcloth. He admitted to being less than excited about a World Cup final between England’s Croatian conquerors and the unbearable French. At press time Gutted could be heard vowing only to watch Wimbledon matches this weekend.