Elon Musk unveils rockets that can get Adventists to church on time

Doing the impossible
Doing the impossible

HAWTHORNE, Calif. — Billionaire inventor Elon Musk of Tesla and Space X fame has unveiled his boldest project to date: rockets that will get Adventists to church on time.

Musk said that the deafening noise of rockets landing on pads outside Adventist homes would dissuade any member from trying to sleep in on Sabbath morning.

“They’ll be out the door and strapped into the passenger hold faster than you can say ‘Happy Sabbath,'” said Musk about the new transportation system.

“Regardless of traffic or McDonalds drive-thrus on the route to church, we’ll land that rocket right in front of the church lobby within moments of blast off,” said Musk.

He estimated that the rockets would be available for testing on the tardiest of Adventists within seven months.

“Adventists will be officially out of excuses for why they can’t make it to Sabbath School on time,” said Musk.

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  1. What’s gonna be the fuel for the rocket? Will it be the gasses from the haystacks? Or the Little Debbies? The Special K meat loaf? Big Franks? Just curious! Hope the GPS works on these things! I heard that they will be attached to the seats of your pants. WOW!! How about one connected to the pastor who preaches ever so long? Up-Up & AwaaaaaaaaaaaaaY!

  2. Julie Wolfe

    I don’t trust Elon Muskrat. His rockets are obviously tainted by Kim Jong-un or by the Jesuits. Elon is another Little Rocket Man. You get inside, and you’re radiated with gamma rays or you’re forced to listen to Jesuit propaganda. You request delivery to an SDA church, but instead you’re delivered to a Catholic catechism class and you arrive with “666” stamped on your forehead and right hand. Better walk to church.

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