WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. — With the state of California facing one of the most severe droughts on record, the Pacific Union of Seventh-day Adventists has banned baptisms in any California church until further notice. So as not to slow evangelism efforts in the state, the Union has ordered the transport of all Californian baptismal candidates to neighboring Oregon where several Adventist churches are promising hassle-free, full-tank baptisms.
“We are determined to be good stewards of limited Californian water supplies,” said Pacific Union spokesperson Marcia Davis. “We flirted briefly with substituting sprinkling for immersion but nixed that idea because it was way too Catholic. Ocean baptisms are still too cold on most of the California coast so we struck out there too. That’s why we decided to bus people to Oregon.”
To assist with transportation costs, the Pacific Union has offered to subsidize bus rentals for baptismal candidates and their immediate family members providing the buses are full for each trip. Northern and Southern California Conference officials have been tasked with tallying baptismal head counts to facilitate effective bus packing.
“A huge thank-you goes out to the team of tireless Pacific Union employees who were able to talk Oregon pastors into allowing the baptisms to take place in their churches,” said Davis. “Many were reluctant to go along with the plans unless they were allowed to add the converts to their own baptismal tallies.”
Why not fly them to Hawaii? Might as well make a memorable vacation out of the special occasion.
The water temp around San Clemente, San Diego & border areas is a nice 74 F. Also, why not try the private pools belonging to SDA members. Or the beautiful pool sat Loma Linda? Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. Did Jesus worry about water temp way back when? Did the Ethiopian worry about water temp? You guys get your act together and practice good stewardship. Maybe wait till the GC meets in SA. Texas water is warm then! Woe is me!!
The Salton Sea, folks, right there in the Imperial Valley, in Southern California, how environmentally irresponsible to truck ’em all the way to Oregon adding gazillions of tons of CO2 to the atmosphere to cause the catastrophic global warming or climate change or something that’s gonna bring on the End Times when you can dunk ’em close to home right there in the Salton Sea!
A bit smelly, and way salty, yeah, but it’s water!
And if you borrowed a little Holy Water from the Catholics you could just sprinkle ’em, and it’d work just as good! After all, it isn’t how wet you get, it’s what’s in the heart that really matters, isn’t it?
Did the thief on the cross next to Jesus get baptized?
A good mineral bath never hurt anyone!
Ellen Harmon was baptized in Maine in the winter.
Go and do thou likewise.
. . . In the ocean!