RENO, Nevada — Carter Wilkerson who just won a year’s supply of Wendy’s chicken nuggets for having the most retweeted Twitter post of all time has received an even juicier offer from the Adventist Church.
Adventist leaders promised the Reno, Nevada-based teen a lifetime of FriChik if he decides to become vegetarian.
Carter, who went to a lot of trouble to win his Wendy’s nuggets, has not yet responded to the offer.
“We like this kid and just want to warn him of the serious health consequences of eating chicken nuggets every day straight for a year,” said a spokesperson for the church, Keh Riko.
“If Carter will just give FriChik a try he’ll see it is way better than chicken nuggets.”
Riko said that the lifetime supply of FriChik would be delivered to Carter’s house within 24 hours of accepting vegetarianism.
The spokesperson had no suggestions when asked where the kid would store the cans.
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He would rather fight than switch! But seriously, don’t try to get him hooked on Fri-Chik. I was hopelessly addicted to it for decades. It affected everything I did. Even cost me my job with the FBI. Try Little Debbies instead. At least we know they are healthful and really really good for you!
I call it Fri-ChikGate.
NEWS FLASH! DOUG BATCHELOR ON SHORTLIST TO HEAD F.B.I.
Washington, D.C.– Sources have leaked secret details of the President’s shortlist of candidates to replace ousted FBI Director James Comey. At the top of the list is a surprising name: Pastor Doug Batchelor. Tapes secretly recorded by Comey during private meetings with Trump, reveal that Trump is a long-time admirer of Batchelor. Assistant press secretary Huckleberry Sanders explained: “Anyone who can survive naked in a cave and do world-class backflips, can certainly lead the FBI.” Vice President Mike Pench stated: “Batchelor will restore the faith of the American people in this great institution of justice, as he restores the faith of America in God.” Reporters’ calls to Batchelor were not immediately returned. However, a mysterious greeting on his voicemail says: “You want to hear an amazing fact? Just wait till I come back from an interview in D.C.!”
Carter would be better off with the Little Debbies. He can choose a different flavor each week. I like the Zebra cookie the best. Go, Carter.