TAKOMA PARK, Md. — Faced with sagging readership enthusiasm and massive young adult disinterest, The Adventist Review has decided to rebrand itself as Remember in Prayer (RIP), the first Adventist tabloid.
“Our new direction will allow us to compile a dynamic list of the most scandalous stories in our global Adventist family so that readers can remember everyone involved in prayer,” said editor and executive publisher, Bill Knott.
RIP’s print edition will feature high-quality paparazzi photography of bad Adventist cooks carrying uneaten potluck dishes home; mug shots of pastors busted for speeding; conference presidents (in various disguises) sneaking into Starbucks and “much, MUCH more,” according to an announcement on the Review’s website.
“Our church is widely recognized as a gossip-free environment and RIP won’t change that,” said Knott who has been touring Adventist colleges to promote the publication’s evolution. “But there is nothing wrong with praying for folk that need help. Especially if you’re just sharing important news you know is true — like your roommate’s dating trials and tribulations.”
In order to appeal especially to young people, RIP also will include a constantly updated website that will feature mostly user-generated content. “You’ll be able to upload pictures and YouTube clips with your own thoughts and burning questions. I believe Adventist young people are the future of investigative journalism,” said Knott.
The Review has been inundated with glowing online and offline letters to the editor since the news of the new direction broke. “This is huge!” said Debby Patterson of Rockford, Ill. “Finally we have a publication that can feature real news. I don’t know what we’ll talk about at Elders’ meetings now; RIP will already have the scoop on the best stories!”
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5/9/14–Inquiring SDA minds need to know all this stuff. Place it along side the other tabloids in the supermarket. Subscribe through 3ABN or HOPETV or the local ABC. Attach it to the local Union magazines each month. I want my copy NOW!!