ADVENTIST WORLD — In a move towards fresher hospitality for Adventist churches, greeters will be required to use breath mints as of this coming Sabbath.
The new policy was established after countless members and visitors have complained about over-enthusiastic church greeters with hot breath.
“Nothing puts a damper on a ‘Happy Sabbath’ greeting quite like I-just-rolled-out-of-bed breath,” said Membership Growth expert, Rigley Speermint.
He explained that church greeters often suffer from stale breath because they are rushing to get to church early and “often skimp on the brushing and mouthwash routine that really should be standard for anyone representing the church.”
Speermint added that the problem is compounded by Badventist greeters that have downed a few too many espresso shots on the way to church.
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Shame on Speermint! What is he & his committee gonna think up next? Sweeten up all the pot luck dishes? Advise many of the female members to stop hugging the greeter? All I can say, IZ-WOE IZ ME!!PS-I eat a few Little Debbies before I go off to meeting house each Sabbath. It really works. Really!