Adventist Church claims Ellen White was “Original Wonder Woman”

Don't mess.
Don’t mess.

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church released a statement this afternoon claiming that the denomination’s female cofounder, Ellen White, was the “Original Wonder Woman.”

Church leaders stated that, like the fictional heroine of the current Hollywood blockbuster, White had exhibited enormous physical strength by holding a massive family bible with one outstretched arm for an extended amount of time.

The cofounder’s prolific writing abilities were cited as added proof of her deserving “Original Wonder Woman” status.

“Hollywood’s Wonder Woman can’t claim to be the most translated female author in the history of literature,” said White Estate spokesperson, Yugo Grill.

“Plus Ellen White had 2000 visions. I’d like to see Wonder Woman try to beat that.”

Grill added that White, with a only third grade education, inspired the creation of thousands of schools and hospitals around the world.

“If the producers at DC Films ever make a Wonder Woman sequel, we’ve got plenty of source material for them,” said Grill.

“And if they take Sister White’s advice they will dress the next heroine in a fetching, full-length, red dress.”

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  1. YuGoGirl Not

    Sorry, but you’ve gone too far. This is utter disrespect, sacrilege, and untruth. You’re making a fool out of God’s pioneer leader. Other denominations will have a false impression of our church and think we worship Sister White. You should be ashamed of your lying tongue. Go find a real job.

  2. J. Alan Nash

    THE written material by EGW has fermented what one could describe as the Adventist Blinkered follower marked by a barrier of inflexible thinking.
    It is addictive and thus creates a bond whose ties become more binding as time goes by. . Fealty to EGW brings down a blindness. In turn it makes its presence felt by the member who repeats jingoisms such as “but what does sister White say on this?!” Her name has evolved into a fossilized presence impossible to validate and difficult to detach from. Thus the individual member becomes beholden to a restrictive or closed-in-belief about EGW. Members use their EGW fetish to filter all information about every aspect of life. Their tolerance for objectively examining her writings is severely impaired.

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