SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church released a statement this afternoon claiming that the denomination’s female cofounder, Ellen White, was the “Original Wonder Woman.”
Church leaders stated that, like the fictional heroine of the current Hollywood blockbuster, White had exhibited enormous physical strength by holding a massive family bible with one outstretched arm for an extended amount of time.
The cofounder’s prolific writing abilities were cited as added proof of her deserving “Original Wonder Woman” status.
“Hollywood’s Wonder Woman can’t claim to be the most translated female author in the history of literature,” said White Estate spokesperson, Yugo Grill.
“Plus Ellen White had 2000 visions. I’d like to see Wonder Woman try to beat that.”
Grill added that White, with a only third grade education, inspired the creation of thousands of schools and hospitals around the world.
“If the producers at DC Films ever make a Wonder Woman sequel, we’ve got plenty of source material for them,” said Grill.
“And if they take Sister White’s advice they will dress the next heroine in a fetching, full-length, red dress.”