LINCOLN, Neb — Controversy erupted today after Union College Professor of History R.J. Leemin alleged that Ellen White, the co-founder of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, was “directionally-challenged.”
Leemin pointed to a statement by White in which she called Union the “western school” as evidence that the Adventist leader while “undoubtedly gifted prophetically, did not have a solid grasp on American geography.”
Leemin claimed that White’s assertion made over a century ago, was to blame for the confusing opening line to Union’s school anthem, “Slinga da Ink” which refers to the school as “the college in the West.”
Leemin’s students quickly voiced support for the professor’s theories: “Clearly Nebraska is smack in the middle of America,” said loyal student Pete Ree. “I always just thought whoever wrote the Union anthem needed a word that rhymed with ‘best,’ but Dr Leemin’s theory makes a lot of sense.”
“Union’s early administrators clearly didn’t bother to fact-check Mrs. White. They opted to build first and see the ocean later,” said Leemin, admitting that White was not entirely to blame for Union’s confused geographical beginnings. “By the time they picked up on the fact that they were nowhere near the West Coast, they had spent a staggering $580 building a state-of-the-art campus with indoor and outdoor plumbing and it was too pricey to move.”
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