Turkeys of America urge nation to consider the Adventist health message

Outreach can take many forms
Outreach can take many forms.

USA – Turkeys all over the United States have chosen this Thanksgiving to campaign for what they call the “life or death matter” of the Seventh-day Adventist health message.

“We cannot stress enough how important it is for people across our country to listen to their weird Adventist friends and become vegetarians,” said Tofer Key, spokesbird for what he called “thousands of ruffled rafters spread over all 50 states.”

Key acknowledged that a lot of nonsense has crept into the Adventist lifestyle over the years and that he was by no means advocating that Americans overdose on sodium-laden veggie burgers or a tub of Little Debbie treats as they watch football over the holiday.

“If you get this Adventist thing right though, you might live past 100 and get into a National Geographic special,” said Key, before diving behind some bushes as a precautionary measure.

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  1. Richieeeee Rich

    TOFURKY lives really matter. You cut into slices and use for hockey pucks. Use slices to skip across the pond. Place a slice under each leg of a table to slide across the floor-easy to clean floor. Use a slice to clean off insects from your car windshield. In other words, chuck out the tofurky. Even my dog won’t east the stuff. he liked the real turkey. Cooked to perfection.

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