COLUMBIA, Md. — A group of Loma Linda podiatrists has confirmed in a report released minutes ago that the shoes of North American Division President Dan Jackson are several sizes too big for most potential successors.
Jackson, who has announced that he will be retiring from his position next summer, was asked by the panicked podiatrists to allow candidates for his job to try out his shoes during the NAD Year-End Meetings that were supposed to end today.
So far, candidate after candidate has been found wanting, even after wearing the thickest socks on the market.
#NADYEM19 programming has been repeatedly interrupted as delegates have tried to walk around the NAD auditorium only to have Jackson’s shoes slip off.
Meeting organizers announced that nobody gets to go home until someone is found with the right shoe size. As they made the announcement, ushers passed out sleeping bags and pillows.