SILVER SPRING, Md. — Hundreds of General Conference officials streamed into the inaugural meeting of the newly-formed Postum Addicts Anonymous this morning.
“There’s no shame in admitting that it’s easy to get hooked on delicious, caffeine-free fake coffee,” said meeting facilitator, Trembelanne Sheyk. “Like many of you, I can clearly remember giving in to peer pressure at Adventist gatherings and having my first sip of this murky, grainy beverage. It’s been a slippery slope ever since.”
Sheyk said that Postum Addicts Anonymous was created, not to break Adventist addiction to the coffee substitute, but to give Adventists the excuse to do nothing but congregate in large groups, sip Postum and complain about why Starbucks doesn’t yet serve it.
“Today marks a new chapter when you will no longer have to deny that you were one of the 144,000 that lobbied to bring back Postum when corporate evil doers discontinued production of this Eden-worthy wonder beverage back in 2007,” said Sheyk, thanking the group for their instrumental role in ensuring that the product was reintroduced to the market “and to our hearts” five years ago.