BERRIEN SPRINGS, Md. — Speaking to an adoring crowd of Andrews students and Berrien Springs residents, South Bend, Indiana mayor and presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg vowed to “put first things first and bring the dairy cows back to Andrews University” on his first day as United States president. As mayor of a city just half an hour from Andrews, Buttigieg said that he missed driving past campus and smelling the “rich reminder” of the bovine population that “used to so define the Andrews experience.” Buttigieg promised that under his administration, the Andrews dairy would receive subsidies making it “more profitable than Sam’s Chicken.”
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Make sure the cows are grass fed, GMO free, range free, cage free, no chemicals in food, no artificial additives, Vegan diet, free from all Sabbath restrictions, etc.
Holy cow! That’s a tall order.
He will need to campaign relentlessly on this platform “till the cows come home”.