OSHAWA, Ontario — The headquarters of the Adventist Church in Canada is reporting tremendous growth this week.
In a mere 48 hours, church officials said that the number of Adventists in the country tripled.
Desperate American Adventists have begged church leaders to dispense with the time-consuming realities of formal membership transfers and to fast-track their membership in Canadian churches.
“I don’t care what church you find, just get me in somewhere,” said a wild-eyed Adventist physical therapist from Riverside, California, who promised to volunteer as a church parking attendant every Sabbath for four to eight years straight at whichever Canadian congregation would take him.
Canadian church growth specialists released a statement saying that “never in our history have so many souls been added to our number in so short a time. The Americans should vote more often.”