NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. — Officials have announced that the next Miss Universe beauty pageant will be judged solely on the quality of contestants’ inner beauty. Each competitor will be rated on their patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. Instead of posing in front of judges, character references for each participant will be carefully interviewed by a panel of theologians for evidence of humility, grace and generosity. In lieu of receiving a crown, Miss Universe will be awarded a pair of work gloves and a hard hat for her choice of Maranatha church construction gig. That, and a free compilation of EGW dress reform quotes.