La Sierra in trouble as Language Department claims to offer the gift of tongues


RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Days away from the start of the Fall Quarter, La Sierra University has infuriated church leaders with a claim by the university’s Department of World Languages. “Come to Us for the Gift of Tongues” reads the new slogan from the department.

The university has defended its advertising by citing Adventist theologians’ incomplete understanding of the gift of tongues. “It is entirely feasible to think that our excellent faculty have the ability to impart the gift of tongues to language students,” said university spokesperson Adrian Bueno. “We as Adventists are just scraping the surface as far as our understanding of this Biblical concept is concerned.”

Church officials are not convinced. “The gift of tongues is only given by the Holy Spirit. It is not something you learn in French 101,” said Biblical Research Institute Director Julio Rodriguez. “To claim otherwise is borderline heretical and entirely in keeping with LaSierra’s cavalier approach to theology.”

“La Sierra is never not in trouble,” said General Conference Education Director Max Hayden. “They are in dire need of some kind of filter. What’s next? Co-ed dorms?”

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