ANGWIN, Calif. — In an unexpected move, Pacific Union College announced that former Vice President Joe Biden has been confirmed as the new president of the institution.
Although a press release from the college admits that the choice is “a departure from historical precedent” given Biden’s non-Adventist status, administration nonetheless feels the school is in good hands.
“President Biden has a long and proven record as a leader and administrator,” said PUC Spokesperson Anne Gwinn. “We are completely confident that given some time he can adopt vegetarianism and read up on the lamblike beast.”
Asked if PUC was worried about having someone as gaffe-prone as Biden as president, Gwinn said that Biden would be using a teleprompter for public speeches and had readily agreed to never discuss the issue of academic freedom, with him commenting that it was “well above my pay grade anyway.”
Gwinn confirmed that Biden had already been over for an area tour and agreed to take the job on one condition: He will be living in Elmshaven.