UPDATE (and this is not satire): On Thursday, February 23, Andrews University responded to the “It Is Time AU” video with a formal apology and pledge in the form of a video of its own titled “It Is Time AU: Listen. Dialogue. Change.” Since the satirical post below was published on February 22, we are now updating it with the new video below:
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — “It Is Time AU,” a video put together by Andrews University staff and students calling for an apology for past and current racism at the school, has not only triggered the republishing of a recent apology for racism from Andrews but has also led to confessions of prejudice from every other Adventist college or university in the United States.
Heartfelt apologies for past policies that blatantly segregated student bodies by race were issued from schools across the country that for decades had let this sad fact of Adventist history go unnoticed.
Administrators from every Adventist tertiary institution acknowledged that though the actions of brave individuals may have shone a spotlight on racism at Andrews, the same racism or much, much worse, plagued their own histories and still devastates the experience of students, faculty and staff on their campuses.
“Our stories are awash with racist admissions policies, prejudiced hiring practices and spoken and unspoken rules that divide and exclude,” admitted a university president too embarrassed to be mentioned by name.
As apologies due decades ago started to roll in, the Adventist Church itself weighed in as a denomination, acknowledging the fundamental prejudice that still today segregates Adventist congregations, conferences and places of employment all over the world.
“The only consolation I have is that we as Adventists have finally come clean about the racism that has devastated our church for so long,” said another shaken administrator.
“For a second there I thought we were just going to let Andrews carry our collective blame.”