LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Seventh-day Adventist dating site AdventistMatch has crashed seven times since Lars Stilig created a profile this morning. Minutes after Stilig uploaded his profile picture, the site was flooded with a torrent of traffic from existing users, as well as the biggest increase in membership sign-ups in the site’s history.
Stilig, a Family Practice resident living in Loma Linda, Calif., populated his profile with details about his love for carefree Sabbath afternoon bird watching and exotic mission trips to the Carribean. His ideal date involved a romantic walk around an Adventist Book Center. Stilig added that he couldn’t wait to marry the Adventist that would bear him his three beautiful Pathfinders.
“Word of the first hot guy to sign up for AdventistMatch has spread around the Adventist world like a flash flood,” said Walla Walla University Communications professor Mahd Skhramble. “Imagine the energy generated by seeing a good-looking single guy walk through your church door for the first time and then multiply that by 144,000 and you’ll get a feel for the impact this guy had on Adventism this morning.”
Where single Adventists meet. Free 2-year membership. Divorced, widowed and never married welcome. Helping Adventist to marry Adventists.
So, how come no ‘hot’ women?
Well, that would be considered ‘sexist’ wouldn’t it. This site does not participate in that sort of writing.
It’s because all the pretty women are already married.
No eye contact. Be careful, girls. He’s gonna be more interested in medical literature and the Book of Leviticus than you.
What a great name for the hot young Dr. Lars “Stilig.” Yes, he is Dr. “Stylish.” Several girls in my church have already signed up for a date with him to browse in the Adventist Book Center. They’ve been listening to old Del Delker and King’s Herald CDs, and some have memorized the entire The Clear Word in order to impress Dr. Stylish on these ABC dates. They should also brush up on their Fri-Chik frying skills since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I wonder if Dr. Stylish will be romantic enough to buy his dates a case of Little Debbie’s health cakes. If so, they might as well set a wedding date!
Yo-Adventist Match-my wife says I can sign up. What do I have to do? Do I look for a stylish Loma Linda Female orthopedic or some such medical trained $$$$$$$$$$$$ person? I will need this person to take care of me in a few years as age is catching up to me. Let’s be fair. No discrimination of gender here. I will contact the EEOC by the end of this week. Advice to Stilig-check out some of the chicks at the GC. I did!! Maybe you can wait until the 2020 GC in Indiana.
The chicks at the GC are okay, but the chicks at La Sierra U. are hotter. They’re certainly prettier than Ted Cruise’s wife. But not as pretty as my dear Melania Tramp.