Fire sprinklers to combat church napping

Showers of blessing
Showers of blessing

ADVENTIST WORLD — A memo sent out to all Adventist churches from the GC Congregational Alertness Department, has mandated the use of fire sprinklers to wake up church nappers.

According to the memo, head, elders will be put in charge of activating church fire sprinklers if they feel that an “unacceptably large percentage” of the congregation is either sleeping or undeniably drowsy. The memo stressed that while the exact moment to turn on fire sprinklers will be up to the head elders’ judgment, “any distracting snoring in church shall trigger an automatic burst of sprinkler action until the offending noise stops.”

In related news, church Dorcas departments have been instructed to provide baptized members with free rain coats upon request.

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