BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In a passionately-delivered sermon this Sabbath, Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor Dwight Nelson claimed that the eight thing God hates is carob.
After rattling off haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers, Nelson said that years of Bible study and personal experience had led him to the inescapabale conclusion that carob came next on the list.
“Lookit, I’m just calling a spade a spade here. I know I’m walking on thin ice with some of you,” said Nelson, looking down at his sermon notes. “But we as an Adventist global family cannot keep deceiving ourselves about that nasty, brown pseudo food that worms its way into our cookies and onto the shelves of our ABC stores.”