CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Affirmed in our Straighthood, the first-ever Adventist conference on alternative sexualities, was held in mid-March this year. It was attended by almost 350 delegates from all over the world.
After the conference, the church released a statement that read in part: “As rough as it is living in a world where gay people have been given rights, we are completely committed to technically loving the gays but fully hating on everything about them. We pray that gay grandsons will not be born to any conference president so that we will not be forced to dig further into Biblical truth on the matter.”
Students and faculty at a number of Adventist college campuses have begun to wonder about just how biblically-balanced and intellectually honest the church’s statement is. Questions asked include:
“Is the practice of homosexuality in a loving, monogamous marriage contrary to God’s will?”
“Do the Biblical texts that address homosexuality say what Adventists have historically interpreted them to say?”
“Does the concept of progressive revelation apply to our understanding of homosexuality? Should our understanding of homosexuality evolve like the positions of Adventists have done historically on issues like the trinity and salvation by faith?”
Despite the questions, church administrators are staying optimistic. “Let’s be positive and focus on what DID work in Cape Town,” said David Chapman, chair of the logistics committee. “Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!”
“This is a model we should use as we discuss every controversial topic going forward,” said Percy Baker, a member of the Affirmed in our Straighthood programming committee. “Invite nobody that disagrees and decide the outcome ahead of time!’ he said, starting an ultra-straight sequence of somber yet meaningful high-fives around the table.
“If you are gay, we still love you. Just don’t act gay,” said Chapman. “Pathfinders has wonderful marching lessons and any Amish tailor can get you into some looser outfits. And honestly, we don’t need grown men doing our flower arrangements for church. That’s why we have deaconesses.”
“The bottom line is that no sin is greater than any other; it’s just that this one can get you disfellowshipped,” added Baker.
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I’ve enjoyed all of your post… Untill now.. Sometimes u really can go to far.
You are really much better at satire. This is just lame.
This post has a different feel to it… Like trying to be funny, but lacing it with some bitterness and malice. Stick to the satire.
lol this is great–and way too true as well
This is fantastic, and spot-on point!
I think this is a difficult top to laugh at ourselves about, because society has taken it so far. It is quite the hot topic in politics and Christians who hold to a biblical standard on the issue are labelled as bigots and non-tolerant. I think the bottom line is the bottom line, sin is sin, and it’s really nice that we Adventists say we love ALL people, but some sin and some people, we don’t love enough to fellowship with them. We all need to find a way to truly show love, even when we disagree about really important issues. Jesus didn’t shun the lepers of His day, He didn’t live with leprosy Himself, and He never tried it out just to see what it was like, but He also never turned His back on people who had been ostracized from the community. I agree that this post wasn’t as funny as some of the others that I’ve read recently, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to be pushed to think a little harder about how our words and actions come across to the greater public. How can we begin to truly show love, without watering our love down in the name of tolerance and not standing up for what we know is right. Jesus didn’t say that it would be easy to love our neighbors, but He did say that it was the greatest commandment!
This is hilarious lol
And as seen by the posts above– we can make fun of the double standards about other stuff. But now about this lol.
Hey, fellas-great piece about us. Luv it. Maybe Dr. Walsh can give us a boost. I luv making the flowers in my church bloom every week. Ta-Ta everbody.
Cackling over the truth in some of these!!
“Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!”
EXACTLY what we do!!
“Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!” Is that really what happened? I kind of didn’t pay attention to that meeting in South Africa, because I was fairly sure it would be a farce anyway with a predictable outcome… guess it was. How sad.
“without inviting a single gay person.” Surely what is really interesting is not who said what but how valid their arguments were! Otherwise we descend into the ancient ad hominem fallacy – attacking the person rather than the argument.
True, but I would have thought that in a conference that deals with sexuality, you should give the groups being discussed representation. A voice, if you like. Otherwise… it just doesn’t seem fair.
This is brilliant!
Perhaps it is not wise to respond to satires, which by their nature are exagerated and over-the-top, and reacting to them is, like, “not getting the joke,” or something. But one statement that appears to be taken for face value by a number of the comments is that not one “single gay person” was invited to the conference. This is simply factually false, as a number of persons who are same-sex attracted were invited and did present. They were given a major plenary session to share their experiences and stories. It is simply discriminatory and a kind of reverse bigotry to exclude these persons from the gay community because they do not share the proper ideological perspective regarding gay sexual behavior.
Now now counselor, I know your a lawyer and all but lets be honest here. There were only x-gay (read bi sexual) people invited to speak. Kinship international, the representative SDA gay community, asked to be a part, not only were they NOT invited they were excluded purposefully. I am sure you know that, you probably even read the letter from Kinship asking to have a voice. Why were only x-gays invited to speak when there are so many many more willing to testify? Woolsey and Carducci are not representative of the majority of the gay SDA community. Not all gay people are abandoned, abused and live decadent life styles filled with bad choices. Just think how their lives would have been different if they had had a safe place to go, someone to trust, say maybe a “Sanctuary” (cough cough)!!
The church is promoting a selfish and dangerous stance, what do you think will happen to the youth of the church dealing with this issue now that they know they are not welcome? I really feel sorry for all of you “Powers that be” on judgement day. Will you be so smug when he says to you “I was gay and you rejected me”?
Further, I sat in the meeting you held at Southern and was just angry and frustrated at the way you twisted the scripture to fit your agenda. Seriously, the 5th commandment as condemnation against being gay. Nice try, but it was way to much of a stretch for any thinking SDA to believe. We are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made. If you believe the bible then you are familiar with Luke 12:6,7 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7) But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
By the way… brilliant satire, spot on!!
And, by the way, anyone who says they are “ex-gay” is in denial. I am a proud SDA mom of a beautiful gay son, and I hope someday to attend his wedding to another man who’ll love him as much as I do.
Ex gay? Does this mean they are no longer attracted to the same sex or does it mean that they choose not to act on the attractions? I could be wrong but my guess is they continue to be attracted. If not, this would be news to me. I was under the impression that change therapies have little success in changing attraction. If they are still attracted, then how can they be ex-gay?
Besides God, I don’t know that anyone knows for sure what exactly will happen on judgement day or who is smug. The truth is that we can all be like the Pharisee who pointed at the Publican and said, “Thank God I’m not like that guy.”
What we need is an openness to listen to those whose lived experiences are different than ours and whose interpretations or methods of exegesis we disagree with. This goes for both sides.
Humans, including myself, are quick to impute the best motives in ourselves and the worst in others.
My point exactly. I think we are on the same page here? Perhaps I should have put quotes around “x-gay” or prefaced it with “supposedly” as that is the exact question that I would like for Mike Carducci and Co. of Coming Out Ministries to answer, as they were the only voices allowed to be heard on the subject at the SDA Summit in Africa.
Nick Miller misrepresents the facts. They did not allow real people to speak. The SDA church held their summit in Africa because they did not want the protest that would have most certainly occurred if there were not an ocean between those allowed to speak without suffering retribution of some sort.
The reason I said (read bisexual) is because it seems to be the Christian “go to” when a same sex couple breaks up and one of the people move on to an opposite sex relationship. Instead of recognizing the existence of bisexuality they choose to believe that person has “changed” or “come out”.
I responded to Nick Miller because I sat at a Sabbath Afternoon speaking event at Southern where I was saddened and angry at how he somehow used the 4th commandment to condemn the LGBTIA community as well as perverting the meaning of Religious Liberty to give the Christian community the right to refuse to do business with someone based on weather they agreed with the morality of the consumer.
I am a proud mother of a beautiful gay son as well. I have hosted several events in my home for the students of SHIELD (Safe Haven for Education, Love & Dialogue). I heard the comments of the students after his speech, as well as the many other Convocations they were required to attend. They were a captive audience to this harmful rhetoric. His “reverse bigotry” theory is what he tells himself and his audience to allow them to feel good about the fact that they are discriminating.
“And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, BURNED IN THEIR LUST ONE TOWARD ANOTHER; MEN WITH MEN working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” Romans 1:27
To be fair its just one of many sins that we don’t take seriously. So I’m chill with gays but I consider it similar to alcholism
Oh, yes– let’s quote Paul, who many scholars believe was gay. He certainly liked to surround himself with young men! lol
Why is everyone so set on keeping homosexuality in the “sin” box when it so clearly doesn’t belong? There are ten commandments, and it isn’t in there anywhere. There are so many places in the bible where MEN tell people what God expects of them, and we selectively ignore the advice we don’t like. Like sharing wealth or avoiding shellfish. Interracial marriage is a basic human right, we accept that even though MEN in the bible said it was an aberration. Homosexuality is a human trait, and monogamous homosexual relationships that lead to marriage should be accepted and encouraged. It’s simply too much of a stretch to keep calling it a sin.
The Bible clearly says homosexuality is a sin. Read this article which links to the verses: http://carm.org/bible-homosexuality
None of those verses are the words of God, or Jesus. There are hundreds of condemnations and judgements against minorities throughout scripture by MEN who are imperfect, ignorant sinners. I don’t believe in eternal hell, I don’t believe the King James bible is the absolute word of God. I believe in both evolution and science, and the guidance and gifts of a higher being. Our recorded history is short, and humans have yet to scientifically prove the existence or truth of ANY deity. Yet, I believe in a higher order. I believe in miracles. I have faith. I am a good person, not because I fear damnation, but because I listen to my conscience, choose to act unselfishly, and seek to help those in need. I personally believe the King James bible is mostly filled with myths and fairy tales. I went to Adventist schools, but I continued to read, I traveled, I studied the world and grew up. Unindoctrinate yourself. Open your mind to the possibility that cruelty and judgement is wrong.
Hi Michael- could you check out this video before you draw your conclusions? I used to believe it was a sin too, but I’ve done a lot of thinking, researching, heart-searching, and it isn’t as clear cut as one might think.
The video is a talk on the subject. In it, a Harvard student who took two years out of his studies, talks about homosexuality references in the bible.
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