Christian Bale reads 28 Fundamentals, changes first name to ‘Adventist’

A real page-turner...
A real page-turner…

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — The actor formerly known as Christian Bale has announced a change of his first name to ‘Adventist.’

The change comes after what Bale called a “fascinating read through” of a book on the 28 fundamentals of the Adventist faith.

Claiming he had never read anything like it, Bale said he had skimmed a chapter of the book every night at bedtime, initially to help him fall asleep.

“The information was really interesting and pretty well backed up with a ton of Bible verses and quotes from this woman Ellen White,” said Bale.

The actor claimed that though the subject matter of the book was interesting, the style was stodgy and the writers should “get out more.”

He added that the book was testimony to the fact that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

“The cover makes it look like reading it is going to be more tedious than systematically studying the Yellow Pages from 1984.”

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  1. Ben Dover

    More lies to mislead the public. It is not labeled “Adventist satire and humor” – that disclaimer has been removed from the top of this page. A lot of people never noticed it even when it used to be at the top of the page. It’s even more misleading now. That’s why it is Fake News.

  2. Ellen Why

    This fake news story just makes SDA look like a cult. If sevvy gets a “call” to work for Breitbart or National Enquirer, he should take it. They need his talent for writing deceptive fiction. This is not humor, and it’s not a parable. It is misleading dishonesty, which has no place in Christianity, much less Adventism. “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:37)

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