SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Biblical Research Institute announced this morning that three weeks of intense study had led the team to conclude that it was unclear what would come first: the reopening of the federal government or the Second Coming.
BRI Spokesperson Rey James said that, just as with the Second Coming, nobody knows the day or the hour that the government will reopen. He discouraged Adventists from trying to predict when the government shutdown would end, saying that any such date setting was doomed for significant disappointment.
“The one thing we all know is that the Second Coming will happen soon,” said James. “That’s more than can be said for an end to this government shutdown.”
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In your January 16 satirical article about which would come first, the reopening of the federal government or the Second Coming of Jesus, you supposedly quoted BRI Spokesperson Rey James as saying, “The one thing we all know is that the Second Coming will happen soon.”
Oh, really? Soon, huh? As of this date, it has been over 174 years since the Great Disappointment of October 22, 1844. Isn’t it time for Adventists to drop the “any-day-now” mantra and consider the possibility that the Second Coming ain’t never gonna happen?